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    • #79322
      teabag
      Participant

      Hi everyone,
      Had a tough bank holiday weekend. Think I’m recycling and in fighting with my mind.
      I’ve reached a point where nothing works anymore. Normally when I read a book or had therapy I would have the light bulb moment where it all made sense. Now I feel stuck like I’m slowly sinking and desperately trying to find something g that will be me the a ha moment and I feel better.
      Is this normal? I did a meditation this morning and no difference to how I’m feeling. I’ve sat with it, nothing. I’m reading books, nothing, positive quotes nothing.
      Also, Is it normal to look at every man and think sociopath.? Is it normal to feel you cannot trust anyone and your alone? Feel like I’m going crazy.
      I know I’m recovering but I’ve hit the brick wall, slowly drowning and trying to rescue myself.
      This is exhausting…. sorry

    • #79324
      diymum@1
      Participant

      hi tea bag

      i think we do go through that realisation spell of did this just really happen to me? some one lures you in offers you the world them bam a year ortwo down the line the cracks appear- hes actually a wolve in sheeps clothing. its a feeling of being duped and then naturally we question our worl around us – who do we trust then if people are in disguise. i suppose this is where we learn we look for the red flags and when we see them u go the boundaries. we will learn to sort the wheat from the chaff in time but only when weve healed even a little. your going to have down days and up – i do believe its part of ealing and it so so hard. there are good people out there though more than not i truely believe that. always keep hipe in your head and heart and in turn i think it will come to you xxxx much love diymum

    • #79325
      diymum@1
      Participant

      sorry for the typos

    • #79326
      diymum@1
      Participant

      hope is what i meant to say xx

    • #79327
      teabag
      Participant

      Thank you. You always make so much sense. My stomach is still in knots that’s when I know there’s more to come out, more to heal.

    • #79328
      KIP.
      Participant

      Weekends were especially bad for me in the beginning. I filled my weekdays but there was always this increase in anxiety and brain chatter. I thought recovery for me was very much like the cycle of abuse. I could find my feet, think I had a grip on things, then my anxiety levels would increase then I would crash. I think it’s to do with adrenaline we produce when we are anxious and the body can only sustain this production for so long. What I found was the highs and lows became much less extreme and the different cycles stretched out so I got longer and longer spells of relative peace. This took a few years to really settle down. Now I think I’m getting to grips with the trauma and I know when it comes, not to overreact. To accept this is all part of the recovery. Yes it’s painful but we are on a long journey. Sometimes nothing will stop that brain chatter. I used an elastic band on my wrist at one point to distract my thoughts. Played the same movie over and over and over. I still do that. It’s like a comfort blanket. Talking to the Samaritans on their freephone number also helped just to get the thoughts out and to hear another human being. Are you receiving good counselling. You can run past them all the events and put a strategy in place. I found it helpful to book things for the weekend. Meeting old friends, book a file n polish. Anything to fill in the weekends till things settle down. Which they will.

    • #79329
      Fudgecake
      Participant

      Hi Teabag,
      I think it must be part of the healing process. I don’t know how long you’ve been out but if it’s recent like me then I’m going through the same turmoil. Just torturing myself really and catastrophising all my fears. I hope it passes soon for us both and yes everyone I look at in my eyes now is a potential nut job particularly males.
      Hope you get some relief soon xx

    • #79433
      teabag
      Participant

      Thanks ladies. My adrenaline was running high over the weekend. I could hear my heart thudding and i had to sit with it for 4 days.
      I just don’t know who I am and I’m making it up as I go along. My good days are getting longer, this is something I have noticed. The chatter is variable and I’ve had a few mornings where he hadn’t been the first thing to pop into my head. I’m allowing myself to be angry now. I almost needed permission from myself and therapist to curse and call him horrible names.
      I’m exhausted now. Noticing more and more triggers so trying to deal with them to. Feel safe on here like I’m understood and listened to. So I’m not going crazy I’m just healing. X*x

    • #79434
      KIP.
      Participant

      You might want to visit your GP. I was prescribed propranolol to take as and when my symptoms were bad. It lowers the heart rate temporarily. Just to get you last that thumping stage. It’s a short term solution to the racing thumping heart. Maybe some anti meds just to get you through this difficult stage. I used to think about him from the minute I got up till the minute I went to bed. I drove my family mad talking about him. That’s the trauma but it gets less and less until eventually you can go days without even thinking of him and when you realise you’ve done that, it feels great. Having him in your head is your brains way of sorting through the trauma. Now you have headspace because it’s not all taken up with keeping you safe, it’s processing the trauma. In a way it’s a positive thing. It’s healing x

    • #80269
      teabag
      Participant

      Thanks Kip. Definitely my brain sorting through the trauma. I’ve got some way to go. It’s nearly (detail removed by moderator) now so that will be another trigger. X

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