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Hello ladies, today is one of those days where I am scared again to go home after work. But at the same time I know if he’s going to try and abuse me today that is it. The reason for this post is where could I find the address of my local refugee housing? I want to save it in case of emergency if I will be running off today I know where to go even just to spend the night.
Also if I ran off in the middle of the night would I be able to still get there at night? If I turned up without calling prior if it’s an emergency would there anyone be to let me in and talk/support me? Help me to think clearer of my next steps??
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Midnight. If it is that bad, which it sounds like it is, you go to a police station.
And they will hopefully take you to the refuge.
You cannot find out the local address. And more than likely they will want to place you out of the area.
Talk to women’s aid.
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Unfortunately I haven’t left. When I made this post luckily I didn’t get hurt. However after that I did meet up with a support worker from Womens Aid and went through different options of how I can leave and how they would help me so I feel confident about it now. BUT I feel so angry and hate myself for this because I don’t know what keeps stopping me but I just don’t seem to to get myself to actually pack my stuff and leave for good.
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try not to be so hard on yourself, its not an easy thing to do, to just up and leave, and each woman reaches their own point of readiness to do this, and will frequently go back again too. Just make sure to keep watching for risk situations to escalate, and put a few essential things in a carrier bag or something unnoticeable, just in case you do have to suddenly go, which I’m sure the WA worker will have said anyway 🙂
Be safe, and look after yourself.
warmnest wishes
ts
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It seems so easy when thinking about it, but to actually get yourself to do it I think that’s the hardest part. I could never in my life have imagined I would be so stuck in a relationship. So far I have set on a date of when I can safely leave. And already spoke to couple of his family members about leaving (they are supporting me on this as they understand what kind of person he is and they know I am not safe.) I just need to speak with my WA support worker when I get a chance asap to go with her over a few things and if all works out well and there will be no outbursts before, fingers crossed I will be out of here.
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I am so pleased that you are taking the route out, safely, in your time, in consideration of your needs.
stay safe, and let us know how you get on, but no pressure, it happens when it happens x
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Please don’t feel angry at yourself. You’re not alone in making plan after plan to leave, and feeling angry at yourself for not doing it. You have done absolutely the right thing in reaching out to a support worker. Stay safe and look after yourself. If you are in danger, and you can, call the police. It can be the hardest thing to do, but your safety is most important. I would never have believed I would have found myself stuck in that kind of relationship either. You really are not alone in that. x
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I’m in the same situation only I have a house that I’ve just got into a position to have a house perfect for my kids.
And he’s wrecking it. He’s started destroying it already. Do I get rid of him by the police or leave myself ?
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I would say it all depends on how you feel about your situation. In my case I am terrified of my abuser, I am scared to be home alone with him for longer than couple hours, because he always gets frustrated and abusive simply because he’s bored. So in my case even though the place we rent is only on my name alone, I rather would leave him here with all of the things, and leave myself. Because I know even if police was involved I still wouldn’t feel safe and the only way for me to feel okay would be if he didn’t know where I live at all.
But if you feel like with police involvement you will feel safer with getting no molestation order after that too then go for it. You and your kids deserve that house more than him!I guess even most of us have very similar lives living with our abusers but all of us still look at all situations different. Whatever you decide I hope you and you kids stay safe ! All of you deserve calm and happy lives!
Sending a big hug xx
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You keep a record of his destruction and abuse, and speak to your health visitor/gp for support and advice.
He needs to be held accountable for his actions and lose his home, not you and your children. If services act appropriately he will be removed and be homeless, not you and your children.
Maybe post a thread on the forum for yourself, so that others can offer support and advice for your own situation, you will need it to help you formulate your own plan for how you want to get control of your life back.
warmest wishesTS
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We don’t have kids, which I think now is a good thing, we have pets though that I wouldn’t leave with him.
I do keep records of his abuse now just in case and if I remember any more abuse from the past I just keep adding to it. At first I started adding just physical abuse, but then decided to include emotional abuse too because I do believe it is just as important.
You know I got to the stage where I want to leave. I never felt like home here. All of my closest people are too far away, where he has all of his family and friends here with him. I have decided that I don’t need any of the material things apart of my few clothes and important stuff, my pets and that’s all I need. All other things can be replaced with time. But at least I know I will have my closest people beside me and him far away from me.
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I am sorry to have confused you M1dn1ght, my message was in reply to Sunshines, which you also replied to, as she has children and a new home which she says he’s destroying.
I am so glad to hear you talk this way of taking the importants things of your life with you and leaving to be with your own friends and family, where you won’t feel isolated x I hope you can manage this before christmas as christmas is such a flash point for violence escalating. Well done for keeping your records, its not easy, I didn’t find, but you sound very clear about his actions and your plan. I will love to hear that you are out and somewhere else safe, when you are ready
warmest wishes
ts
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Hi ladies
Thank you for your replies
He’s gone well for now I feel so relieved I pray he stays away but you know these men love to come back around in circles.
I’m much more relaxed I’m still considering a non molestation I think that may give me the chance to make a clean break it’s the time
That is needed to gather the strength to completely realise what’s going on.
Do you ever think how the hell have we got in this position. It’s like any kindness even gets abused.
Circle after circle
Thank you for your advise and taking the time to reply to me xxxxx
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