Where to get help

[Badunkadu]

I never thought I would be in a situation like this but here I am…
My partner and I have a (detail removed by moderator)baby and we live together.
We were fine until I got pregnant and I moved in with him.
The relationship was getting worse when I gave birth (he wouldn’t care about the baby or spend time with us) and he started hurting “accidentally” my baby after arguments. Once I was going for a coffee with a friend and we had an argument so he grabbed my baby and said that if I left he would take him or he would follow me, so I was at home for days (nearly a couple of weeks) until I couldn’t more and decided to leave.
As he wouldn’t let me leave I had to call police who, to my surprise, let him go with my baby and acted totally sexist towards me.
So the only option to see my baby was going back with him, and so I did.
Now the situation is worse: not only I can’t go out without him but also he keeps saying “I’m God” and “you learn the lesson”.
He is not going to work since the argument to make sure I don’t go anywhere.
Couple of charities (not sure if I can mention here) adviced me to leave to a refuge but I’m not sure what to do as if we end up in court he told me that he would ask shared custody so I dont see what he does with my son and the idea terrifies me.
What can I do? As he is not physical (only a couple of pushes and a what he called “tap” in the arm) I can’t prove anything so I only have few pics that I’m not sure they will be enough in court.
What can I do?
Social services want to speak to me but I’m so scared!

[KIP.]

Ring the helpline number on here and have a chat about your options and find your local women’s aid. They’re the ones who deal with women in your situation and can help and support you. Do you have family you could go and stay with. A women’s aid refuge would give you some safe breathing space. Hurting your baby is illegal and extremely dangerous. If he can hurt a baby to control you, he is capable of much worse. You need to get free and get a non molestation order against him. Explain his behaviour to social service but try and get someone from women’s aid to support you with this x

[Yellowflower]

Hunni you need to take your child and get as far away from this man as possible. Please listen to the people that are trying to help you and for the safety of yourself and your baby go into refuge. This man is abusing you and your child you need to protect him. I know how hard it is trust me I do but if you can’t do it for yourself do it for your child. People will believe you I have not met one person yet who’s not believed me. In court you have some evidence many people in these situations don’t. Yes he may not have physically hurt you hunni but he has mentally controlled you. Locking you in the home and not letting you leave is not right hunni and you know this. He doesn’t care for your child his using him to control you emotionally, mentally. Please please talk to women’s aid and social services you need an escape plan. My heart goes out to you it really does you deserve so much more don’t let him do this any longer. Big hugs xx

[Lisa]

Hello Badunkadu,

I just wanted to show you some support. I am so sorry to read about your situation. I want you to know that none of your partners behaviour to you is your fault. Sadly it is very common for domestic abuse to escalate in pregnancy and then after the birth of your child but the level of abuse and control you are describing is really frightening. I am sorry that you had a negative experience with the Police but I can only imagine that they didn’t have the clear picture and if you were able to tell them the level of control you are experiencing and that he hurts your baby to punish you they could help support you. It sounds like he is around most of the time but is there a time that you could get out to phone the helpline number or do it safely when he is not about? Or could you go to a friends or a family member to tell them what you are experiencing and then when you are together you can phone the Police and the helpline? Please grab on to the lifeline that the charities and social service are offering, they can help you to be free and be safe. In the meantime don’t let him know that anything has changed, he sounds like a dangerous man and has already demonstrated that his abuse will escalate if he thinks you are trying to get away from him.

We are all here for you so please keep posting when it is safe for you to do so.

Best wishes,

Lisa
Forum Moderator

[Badunkadu]

Thanks so so so much to all of you for the support, I spoke with someone in this helpline (extremely supportive and helpful, thanks so much) and I’m making a list of things to plan for refuge.
Also social services wants to talk with me today, so hopefully they can help me.
My biggest fear here is that, about hurting my baby, they were accidents so I’m scared ss or anyone else believes the same cuz it’s not true, but there is nothing else I can do but try.
Again thanks so so much for the support!

[Yellowflower]

Please post back and let us know how you are. You are doing the very best thing for you and your child. I’m so glad your getting help now. Keep going you deserve so much more x

[Author]

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