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    • #111169
      Irishmom
      Participant

      Hi there. I am a complete newbie to this. I will try not write abook lol. I have been with my partner for quiet a bit now, started when i was not long an adult. He had previously been married divorced and a few failed relationships to go with it. Had a child unplanned fast forward a few years and a country move and another child and things are not what they should be. Now i can see emotional abuse has been there for some time. Also think he may be a sociopath. He got physical with me once and i had him removed from the house. Fool here decided to give it another go. There has been continuous cheating on his part with women and men (which ive not long found out about). I feel broken. All the horrible things he has been saying are now in my head. That im unloving, cold etc etc. If i go on the basis of him being a sociopath then its all reflections of himself as i know im not those thing, i would help anybody to my own detriment. Its now (detail removed by moderator) since i found about the men and gave him back my ring and said id enough. Im not a million miles away from my family but still another country. And not easy to up an go especially when i have no funds whatsoever at the moment. On the flip side i dont want to take the children back there as i dont want them to be that far from their dad. Can someone please crawl inside my head and sort things please!!!!!!!!!

    • #111188
      Lottieblue
      Participant

      Hi Irishmom,
      Well done for coming on here to seek support. You will find that you get plenty, as there are some very wise people around. I’m not great at it as I’m not in a great place myself but I am absolutely certain that you’ll get some good advice soon. I’m sorry things are as they are for you right now and also that I’m unable to say anything more constructive.
      Hang on in there as someone will be along soon! X

    • #111189
      Cecile
      Participant

      If he has PR..I.e in the UK is on the children’s birth certificate then you will not be able to move them abroad without his agreement or having to go to court if he argues against it. Go to Rights of Women website (free legal advice) it get advice from Citizens Advice. Email womensaid as well.

      Well done for seeing him as he is. It is vital that you keep this clear eyed view of him and do not allow his distorted perceptions of you to become your reality. It is vitally important to get your sense of self at the core of your life. If you have a daughter or younger sister, imagine some one treating her as abusively as he has done to you, degrading them….how does that make you feel? If you are horrified that is good, it’s what you must do for yourself. See the wounds he inflicts upon you.

      Keep a journal, secretly from him. Write occurrences of abuse as the mind plays tricks and we begin to forget them as they occur. Keep a log of your feeling and fears, how afraid are you. It can be as brief or extensive as you want but it is vital for your welfare that you do this.

      Then make a plan. Build a network of professionals. Tell your gp, get it noted on your health records. If you are depressed due to the abuse have the go assess you and consider medication.(it’s important to protect your mental health or you will not be able to act on your own behalf:telling the doctor also creates evidence that could well be vitally important to you if you go to court). See if a local domestic violence group can see you for 1 to 1. Go the police and make a report…ask to see their domestic violence officer, most areas should have one. This does not always lead to an arrest but it is very important to do this. Get as many professionals on board as you can. Step by step.
      What is the impact on your child/children? Have they witnessed violence or been subjected to it?
      Boots have been offering a room for women to use when they need to speak to the police or seek help.
      You can also get one hour free legal advice.

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