Where’s the line when a child is involved?

[Gjkl]

My former partner of (detail removed by moderator) has frequently used emotional manipulation to exert control of every aspect of my life. I am trying to loosen this but am still connected to them due to having helped raised their child.
Over the years they have threatened to stab us both, kill themselves if we leave, attempt suicide on a number of occasions, persistently call/message until we were back with them & take money out of our accounts through lies intended to play on our emotional concerns of physical well-being.
Due to their frightening mental health issues & involvement with drugs for the childs safety I found the strength to remove us both from the home. But my former partner is still in control.
The debts accumulated as a result of their actions are in my name. Their child is still in contact & is being emotionally manipulated into pressuring me into meeting them or handing over more money. When I don’t, they harm themselves & end up back in hospital- which worries their child & makes me feel responsible.
I know there will always be a connection to my former partner because of my relationship with their child but have no idea how to manage it in a way that keeps us both safe from further harm.
I already have recurring nightmares & find it impossible to relax or think of my own future. Everyone is saying to me it’s abuse but I have no idea if it is or what I should do.

[KIP.]

Contact your local women’s aid for support and contact the police to see if there is anything they can do. You can look into a non molestation order for you both, a civil court order preventing contact. Rights for Women offer free legal advice. Abusers will use contact as a way to manipulate and control so absolutely zero contact. Not sure what age the child is but by going total zero contact it’s showing them there is a way forward. He is not your responsibility. The NSPCC have a good helpline for children. They need to speak to someone about this situation and I’d recommend counselling for you both.

[Living Warrior]

Hello and I’m so sorry you are going through this.
firstly, I am currently in a despite over children with my ex. The children live with me. So I may be able to point you into a good direction. Il do my best.

My advice:
Log everything!! Keep a note of ANY and all incidents with as much detail as possible.
Google search for “incident logs harrassment” and it will show you a template.

Save and screen shot every text, email, message in any format, if possible keep recordings of phone calls where it shows the intent.

Report incidents to the police. Even if it’s just through the local police station or through online chat. They will give you log references which can be used if necessary at a later date.
I agree get in touch with womens aid, they know what they are doing and helped me out loads. They even sign posted me and referred me to other places for further help and information.

They can put you intouch with the stalking and harrassment team. Which may sound drastic but the constant messages and suicidal comments are classed as emotional abuse and harrassment.. harrassment is a criminal offence.
You can get a non molestation court order to stop him contacting you in certain circumstances.
And a prohibited steps court order to stop him taking the children. If needed.

Womens aid will put you in touch with a domestic violence solicitor who would sort this out for you if its applicable. Also in certain circumstances domestic abuse cases fit into the legal aid category. Especially when children and non molestation orders are involved.

My first stop would be you local womens aid.
They are really helpful and knowledgeable, and they never dismiss you if you request help.

I hope this helps. Good luck in your journey. X

[Author]

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