Where's the support when your leaving especially??

[Woollymammal]

Hi All,

I could easily leave tomorrow as he’s out of the area and would be really safe for me..
I’ve virtually no money..the council tax hasn’t been paid this month yet as I haven’t had the money, I paid £250 over 7 days last month to bring it up to date..The water rates have just come.. All this he leaves to me, he just says f*** them.. but I’ve always liked to pay my way..
I’m going next week, I look at him and hate him..
I’ve got a bed frame just need a mattress..
Where is all the support your supposed to have especially as we’re told leaving is the most dangerous time..
Feeling very ill..
X*x

[KIP.]

It’s the anxiety just before leaving that will be making it all worse. Forget about the bills just now. That can all be sorted long term.you will be taking your name off those bills soon anyway. My advice is to go and go now. Take the leap of faith while you’re capable. I was always looking for a reason not to go. It’s that last thread you need to cut and just jump x

[Lisa]

Hi Woollymammal,
It sounds as if you know you need to leave and are ready to do so. There is never an easy time, you just have to trust yourself and go for it when the time is right. Whether you go tomorrow or next week is up to you, but try to recognise when you are just putting it off. The great unknown of what it will be like could mean that you keep finding reasons to put it off. You have done your safety planning and I want to assure you that there is and will be support available. What that support is depends on what stage you are at and the level of risk. But you are right, leaving is often the most dangerous time. Do not let that stop you, let it sharpen your planning and be aware.
You can now talk to a Women’s Aid support worker by our instant messaging, this is available between 10 and 12 at the moment, Monday to Friday. This is on the Women’s Aid Homepage, ‘Chat to us’. You could call the helpline on 0808 2000247. Leave a message and a safe time to call back if you do not get through. There is also lots of information and safety planning advice in the survivors handbook.
If you find yourself in danger though, do not hesitate to call the police.
All the best and do keep posting so we can support you through this. We are here for you.

Lisa
Forum Moderator

[Escapee]

It is a super scary time but once you’re out and you conquer those first few weeks, I promise it gets easier.

Your body will be releasing adrenaline and cortisol by the tonne and that’s what makes you feel so awful. Your body will gradually stop flooding your system and you’ll be able to start healing.

Do lots of breathing exercises (and don’t give up after 30 seconds 😉 keep it up for at least 5 mins and it will help – I have to fight not giving up so you’re not alone if you find your mind and body fighting the moment!)

Sending you hugs x*x

[HopeLifeJoy]

Hi Woolly

Since safety is the most important criteria when leaving and you are feeling safe just now and tomorrow, why not leave right now, when he is away? How would you feel about that? Would you feel safe going now? Would you feel at peace?
Do not pay any more bills, keep your money for yourself, deal with any administration at a later time, park it, keep your priorities straight, and that is leaving and getting into safety. You have nothing else to do but call your friend/family member/ cab to get from A to B. Just visualise yourself going from your current place to your new place. Just that darling.
And keep on breathing in deeply in and out.
Ask someone to come with you or wait for you at your new home.
Call the helpline if you need to talk and let out your concerns, support is always always here, you won’t be let down.
You can do this honey, just keep on breathing and try calming your mind and when you are calm you go.
We are holding your hand through this, wish we could be there in real life physically believe me, I would pack your things and get you out right now and make you a nice cup of tea at your new place.
But yes you decide when it’s best to go and follow your safety plan.
Keep posting darling, you are doing great, just take it one step at the time okay.
Sending you big hugs and strength 💕

[Woollymammal]

Hi All Thank you for your replies, as I have to take his car the mot is due before I go so couldn’t drive it till after then.. and also the flat needs a main door on it to make it self contained.. otherwise my fur babies will escape..
I would walk out of here straight away if I could, but I’ve got my angel daughter’s things to take to as I keep them with me..
It woukd of been ideal today .. but I should get a chance next week.. but whatever I’m going..
I nearly caught him looking at my phone last night.. so I changes my code again..
All night he ignored me but that’s nothing new.. no food in the house, nothing unusual..dogs have no food, nothing unusual…
I can’t wait to go.. but I’ve planned it in my head, and got to do a few bits before I go..
It’s a different area, so ive contacted the local womens aid who are going to call me next week.. judo hopefully I’ve got some sort of support when I leave..
Send hugs x*x

[Iwantmeback]

Hi woolley, oh you’re doing so well. You might not think so but you are. The support I’ve had from my local WA since I left has Been great. They can only help once we’ve decided to go. I have a flat I’m in, I’m on my own but it’s assisted as I have a support worker who visits me every week, more if I need it. Once I’m housed by the counci, she won’t visit me but I can still see her elsewhere and pop into the WA offices for a chat and a cuppa. They are doing an art class, something to take our minds off of abuse, something that’s fun. The only downside is I’m not allowed my dog but I’ve informed the council that I’ll have one when I get one of their properties. Things have ways of working out, sometimes just not in the way we hope or try to plan. I’m still practicing LOA and what makes me stronger is when I take control of situations, don’t let them control me. Takes a while at times but once I decide whatever it is that has to be done, the fear of it goes. I pray you get out, do what you need to do to survive this sweetheart. I actually gutted the house before I left, had food in the fridge and freezer. Silly but it was my way of closing the door. The last thing they expect is for us to go, I’ve had enough, and we walk out on them.
Best wishes sweetheart, you’ve got this
IWMB 💞💞

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