why?

[Worrywart]

Hi Ladies, i’m back again …i have been apart from my ex for (detail removed by moderator) now and was wondering if it is normal to still miss him sometimes? ….i have two boys from him…. he comes outside my house to see our eldest who goes out and sits in his car to talk to him sometimes …(i cant even go to my window to look at him) we have another younger son together and he used to go to his place (detail removed by moderator) to stay over up until (detail removed by moderator) ex messaged our youngest and said he didn’t want to see him anymore because he is over weight and he didn’t want to worry about him because of his weight ??? i know i don’t get it either! my son is devastated because of this….as you know from my posts last year, i split with him he went back to an old ex of his from years prior to me (i was with him (detail removed by moderator) years) within (detail removed by moderator) they were engaged and was to marry on (detail removed by moderator) but of course it did not happen. apparently they split up (detail removed by moderator) (ex told our eldest) it seems they are back on again and going out of there way to conceal the fact they are together …so weird!

 

 

[Wants To Help]

Oh what a horrible man! Your poor son. So many children have eating disorders these days and it’s no wonder with that sort of parenting. Your son is better off away from him. This man is not a supporting or nurturing Dad at all (not surprising really if he’s an abuser.)

If your son is a little overweight there are many ways that can be tactfully and subtly used to help him exercise and lose it or eat healthier, not make him totally insecure and upset over it. But no, your ex is casting his own shame off on to his son. It’s not that he doesn’t want to worry about him, it’s about being a sh*t Dad. Good parents take on board their children’s difficulties/concerns/issues, not absolve themselves of them. How many of us worry about people we don’t see? So basically this man is saying if I don’t see my son and don’t see he’s a bit overweight then I won’t worry about him?

I don’t know how you are going to get your son to understand his Dad is so wrong on this without actually putting the man down, which we shouldn’t really do to our children – I know it’s okay for us to detest our abuser but we shouldn’t really put that on to our children, but in some cases I think children just need to know the truth. So sorry you’ve got to deal with this.

[Headspinning]

Jings – that’s incredibly bad parenting by you ex. Judging a child on his weight/looks is just setting him up for self loathing, low self esteem and low confidence. What a horrible thing to say. It’s a recipe to make your son grow up with a comfort eating disorder. And his logic is hugely flawed anyway – if he was concerned, she he not be wanting to spend more time with him, where he could influence what he ate, do some exercise together etc?

The sceptic in me says this is not about your sons weight at all and that’s just being used to hurt you and him (would he know it’s a sensitive topic for you?). I suspect it’s because he wants to spend his time with him new girlfriend without his son being there cramping his style. Maybe it’s her not wanting your son there, but that’s no excuse.

I think you should see it as positive that your son isn’t going to his dads, work in helping him with his self esteem. I have no idea how old he is or if he actually is overweight but maybe involve him in cooking, go out for walks together etc – it will help you reconnect and if he does have a potential weight issue will help with that too?

[iliketea]

Your first post was about if it was normal to still be missing him after so long. From what Ive read here on the forum and other women’s posts about afterwards, the answer is yes. I can’t remember the ins and outs of why though hopefully someone will jump in and explain it all. I’m not out so can’t give you any advice.

The thing with your son and not seeing him because of his weight. OMG that is terrible. My dad used to say things about my weight too, which was just a growing up bit of podge, but it was the only thing he’d ever say about me. My mum was very clear to me, that he was talking rubbish and that he was wrong, and because it was the only negative thing she ever actually said about him, despite there being lots she could have said, it stuck with me and I knew she was the right parent, and I should listen to her. Even though I wanted to please him and make him happy, I didn’t let it effect me. I’ve never had any problems with my weight. I’m not sure if that is good or bad parenting, but it worked.

And yes, its your ex controlling you through your son. Clear as crystal. See what he made you do there with it? You now have to try and run around and solve this problem he has now created, he becomes centre of things once again.

[Worrywart]

thanks for you replys both …..joke is (detail removed by moderator) of ignoring my son he gave our eldest a big bag of (detail removed by moderator) sweets to give him …a carrier bag full what the hell was that about

 

[Worrywart]

thanks iliketea …i fear you are right when i dumped him he done and said lots of things to get to me through our boys, he has even give our boys the silent treatment for not responding to text msg/phone calls quick enough but soon talks to them again when he wants something from them …..when is it going to end 🙁

[Anonymous]

This is clearly abuse what he is doing to your children. The weight comment and then showing favoritism to one child after he did this to other one?? I would report this. He shouldn’t be allowed to see either child unless there is someone there monitoring them. And yes, your sons need to know this is abuse and that you won’t stand for it. Please check out these links because this needs to stop what’s going on with him. He is damaging both of your children and this won’t stop, it will only get worse and it’s abuse…https://rightsofwomen.org.uk/get-information/family-law/children-law-parents-separate/

This one is helpful as well…https://www.gov.uk/looking-after-children-divorce

I am just cringing at what this man has already done and even more so at what he might do in the future. No way should he be allowed to see them without someone present and that means no sitting in the car with him either. He is dangerous. Any man who calls himself a father and does this – is capable of far worse.

[Worrywart]

thank you for the links Braelynn i will look at them

[Author]

Posts