5th January 2019 at 11:55 pm #70078
Even now with evidence time and time again right in front of me , I do not really accept that my husband is a drug addict
I told him I wanted to leave over the Xmas holidays ..he begged me so much to stay, that this really is it now , now be knows I’m deadly serious about leaving him he will change .. he sobbed his heart out which he never does.
He stayed in bed for several days to get clean … Soon as he is back to work all the signs are there again … And I now keep photographic evidence to try and remind me I am not making this all up …
But even now I am still here… Biding time waiting for what? .. I know I am scared of the fall out, and the very unsettled uncomfortable period whilst I will be sofa surfing and going through the stress of a divorce on top of other stress with family at the moment , but even so … Why am I still here and why can’t I just say to him it’s over … Get out of my.life?
He will just swear on his life that he is not on drugs .. he makes me out to be evil just for doubting him
Yet there’s so much evidence…. And i don’t want to leave it another few months where I end up catching him red handed in a state (which I have now also come to recognise is often deliberate – I find him red handed he then confesses all and that he needs help , which actually.means he needs to pay off debts and have money for more drugs …)
Sorry I don’t know what it is I am asking really…. Just everything is in such a mess and I cannot believe how quickly our relationship declined due to drugs… But it’s gone on for far too long now and it’s looking extremely unlikely we will ever go back to way things were… But maybe it’s that tiny bit of hope that is still.there…. a tiny little doubt in my mind… I think it’s almost gone now though and cannot wait to be finally free ..I hope it’s soon.
6th January 2019 at 12:38 am #70082
Hi lozzy I could have wrote that I am in the same boat and feel I have enough my husband started taking my child’s ADHD meds I had a idea but he told me I was crazy and swore on my kids lives that he didn’t he told me I was mad it coarse so many arguments which led to verbal and emotional and physical abuse he really convinced me I was going mad .Then when he was caught red handed he had to admit and played the I’m depressed card but the day before when I didn’t have the solid proof he was fine and I saw no sign of depression .So it’s just emotional abuse he is telling me I’m ruining his life and that how dare I take everything he has away from him .What is going through my mind now is what don’t I know ??what haven’t I caught him doing because he has never been honest with me I only know what I find out !!! When I find out something the abuse cycle starts until he makes it so unbearable for me I just forgive and try forget but i can’t do that any more the bad days are just taking over the good a year of my life I will never get back a nightmare 🙁
6th January 2019 at 7:22 am #70090
Oh Sadness so sorry you are going through this too and with child/ren… They really are cowards , I have such similar thoughts – he is a compulsive liar I don’t believe ANYTHING he says any more but I don’t bother calling him out as it isn’t worth the fall out.
I also feel 2018 was completely wasted on such horrible turmoil , anxiety and depression … It all started with him saying his depressed but it’s me now on anti depressants and constantly wishing I could take my own life (but I won’t , I won’t let that happen now I’m seeing the light )
Our dog used to be prescribed something for anxiety (nervous dog not due to him , a rescue, but I do think he can make it worse?) … And I knew I had no trust in him left when I couldn’t find it… Although it did later turn up but i just know I wouldn’t even rule out him taking the dogs medication
6th January 2019 at 11:19 am #70102
It’s so hard Lozzyx I’m devastated for my children what they have been through I know how much better off we will be but I know it has to be done slowly for there sake and mine and for my husband to understand that it is over but if he gets getting angry will we just have to go .He always says his depressed but only when we argue he has never came to be on a normal day and told me and then he can’t even go on meds because he’ll get addicted to them and take more when he feels angry that’s how he copes .He has no self control in anything he does and I feel me and the children are the ones been punished for his bad choices I do believe I have enabled him I have left him away with it all I even said one day to his mom when he saw fist marks on the press well at least his getting his anger out how brainwashed was I breaking stuff wasn’t ok none of it was ok !Joining up to sports in the early morning so an argument didn’t happen when I said no to sex.Tellinh me that I need to change and that’s sexy is a very important part of a marriage I stopped cuddling him I stopped kissing him I only did when I had to but I hated it .He told me the other night that he went to kill him self but I don’t even believe that he could be liable to just be in smoking drugs .i know this is a terrible thing to say but I don’t care anymore if he does kill him self because he is hurting so many people around him and I can’t handle hearing it so much when he has never tried or has no intention of it and even if he does I will never blame my self .I do understand why you stayed you just had hope that he would finally stop and that you were worth stopping for my husband did stop and was great and we really got on but when life gets hard for him or stressful he just slides back in because I’m his head he can’t cope but in fact they make things worse because his mood are so up and down .what has happend to me is now I know he has no self controll and he made the choice to not get help he keeps asking me for support and he needs me but he doesn’t when he has me he abused me .
6th January 2019 at 12:48 pm #70109IwantmebackParticipant
Hi LozzyX, everyone of us asks that same question a thousand times over in our relationship. We know the why now, but even then, one teeny totty tiny part of our brain remembers how he was and can be, and we wait, we wait expecting the miracle. But it never will happen, not to us, and even if it did, as @sadness said, they can slip at any time.
I’m ‘lucky’ my husband doesn’t drink, smoke or take drugs, he doesnt go out at night, though he used to in his ex marriage. But he has friends, he plays golf, he takes the dogs walks, meets his brother, but had nothing to do with the rest of his family, he suffers his brother but badmouths him all the time to. We know all families have their problems and even dysfunctional families stand together when outsiders intervene, BUT in abusive families everything is different. The abuser has’ loyal’ family members but only because they are scared or brainwashed. When he’s not around the family are nice to us, but you get scared they’re going back and telling him what you talk about, so you distance yourself from them to, so they see the abuser as being right and its all your fault. Or in my case my children got out😔, but he’s damaged them in the years he was part of their lives, my daughter went after (detail removed by moderator) my son (detail removed by moderator), but they both left around the same age, (they had their dad to go to)
I’ve written that and its the first time it’s not made me sad or started to cry😌 I’ve turned another corner and didn’t even know. 💪
@sadness,I don’t care if my husband’ kills’ himself either. There’s no way on this earth he’d do that, but he too is playing the depressed card, I don’t understand him, I’m not there for him, I don’t show him any affection.
I can’t bear to kiss him now or cuddle him, sometimes i want to reach out, but it’s only for me, to make me feel better. I have myself and a everyone on here, i have my children, once I’m free, i will see more of them and not be afraid they’ll treat me like he has. I think that really is part of the reason i stay to. I see him in them all the time and it scares me that when i go, they’ll treat me the same and yet again, guilt will let me accept it because i let him hurt them, emotionally, verbally and physically too. Or I won’t accept it and I’ll have nothing to do with them at all, that thought crosses my mind often too.
@lozzyx, you are getting stronger, you see what he is doing, you can get away from him, it’ll be in your own time though, it’ll be when you finally say, that’s it, enough is enough.
Take care ladies, keep planning, Herts to a future without such bullies in our lives. Bullies hate anyone standing up to them, take back control but by bit. Even if it’s turning the toilet roll around, cos your way is wrong and his is the right way. 🤣🤣
Love and strength to you all
6th January 2019 at 6:28 pm #70155
Haha the toilet roll is a good one IWMB! I think in small ways I am taking back control … One of the biggest steps taken was still speaking to his mum when he has fallen out with her … Though I do my best to remain guarded … Like you, I have fears she goes back and tells him everything once they’re best mates again …
Yes oh the wishing he was dead … That does pop into my head sometimes perhaps more so several months ago before I started to reach out for support including on here…. I used to think it has to be me or him …one of us has to die for this to be over permanently … When I once found him passed out my heart skipped a few beats thinning be might be dead and I remember that so so well .. it was relief, hope and panic…then that cut wrenching anxiety moments later when he started to rouse …. Wow I have never ever admitted that to anyone before … But that was the definining moment for me… I just knew then… That I will leave him … Not sure when but it will happen.
6th January 2019 at 6:42 pm #70157
Lozzyx I have been there he sent me pics of loads of tablets that he was going to take when I found him I rang ambulance I wouldn’t go in I was then accused of why did you help me I should have just left him there but he was in the house where my kids were so I couldn’t I went to another room until the ambulance came and rang his family they new by me I did not care I had enough I was (detail removed by moderator) pregnant and we already had 2 small kids that was a couple of years ago I ended up getting a protection order against him he broke that and ended up in jail for 1 week came out and was totally at rock bottom and I took him in because he had no where to go I felt sorry for him he did pull him self together and did amazing but his back in same posstion now but this time we have 4 kids there is no saying oh daddy was playing a game his not really cross they understand more now and I just can’t do it to them any more I really just want to start fresh I don’t like who I have become I want the old me back .I am the type of person that forgive and forgets very easy but I can’t see much self getting past this I really can’t.i would love to be able to tell him how I really feel but I can’t I would be afraid to !!!I went out with my daughter today I unblocked him to ask him a question through text and received a pic of him crying back saying I can’t do This any more and a dioxide letter sent to be that he wrote Friday but I didn’t see it because I blocked him the man is crazy !!!!!
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