Why am I pining for him

[Louloubee]

It’s been since (detail removed by moderator) since I last seen him…something little just made me think no more! Years of being cheating on .. mental abuse ..lies you name it he did …but why am I now missing him!? Why am I missing a liar? A cheat? A mind game player? A bully? A show off? …why am I missing someone that made no time or effort with me after I gave him so many changes? Some one that wouldn’t take me certain places but would go with his friends…it only took for him to go for a meal with friends that I just thought no more!? But I constantly ask him to do things but it was always awww I can’t be bothered! Why am I missing this person!?!
I really loved him I really dud I don’t think I will get over it ever … But I know I can’t and won’t go back 🙁 ….. I feel so be today ladies I need advice :(((

[KIP.]

Maybe what you’re missing is the good parts or the having a partner but you’re not actually missing him? It could also be you’re missing the time you spent on him and now you have a void to fill. It’s going to take time to adjust to not having him in your life. You absolutely did the right thing. Now it’s just the slow process of grieving for a relationship and a future you thought you might have. Baby steps and things will get better s

[Louloubee]

Feeling very very sad about it I was perfect in the relationship and it makes me sad I had no choice but to walk away from it as he and it was toxic

[KIP.]

That’s how abusive relationships go. Completely imbalanced. The victims health deteriorates and is broken while the abuser thrives in it. You’re absolutely right about it being toxic. These men often show up months or even years later when they try to hook us in again. It’s easier to recycle an old victim than break in a new one. You did the right thing. Beware of the hoover stage.

[HopeLifeJoy]

You’re trauma bonded to him sweetheart. It is such strong bond. I loved my second abuser so very much – read was trauma bonded to him – and thought I will love him for ever and will die without him. He was my rock, my north, my south, my compass to guide me in life. How did I ever end up giving him the stirring wheel of my life, I’ll never know. He was such cruel man. I didn’t see it then. I saw what I needed him to be.
It takes time and no contact to get over him.
You grieve the lost relationship, you break the trauma bond as if it was a toxic addiction, and you need to process all the trauma left from having being abused by another person, someone you thought loved you.
It’s so much to process you know.
So take it slow, take your time, step by step, make sure you take care of yourself whilst dealing with all the thoughts & emotions and tiredness of it all.
Take it easy.
And whenever you feel like contacting him, write it down in a journal, write here, distract yourself by doing something else like getting a glass of bubbly water.
You will get over it. What helped me is set myself a time frame where I could grieve for him, break the trauma bond and even allow myself to make mistakes – I contacted him three times, noticed my mistakes and went straight back to no contact – i gave myself six months, and for me it was the right period of time, my intense sick love for him faded significantly after my efforts and determination to not love him anymore, to not wish to be there for him anymore.
I said out loud in my flat, I love you, then forced myself to change my sentence to the past tense, I loved you, to create timely distance and to brainwash myself to make me believe I loved him in the past but not anymore. Then I added another requirement whenever I thought lovingly about him, I obliged myself to remember one cruel action of him, so it became, I love you to I loved you to I loved you, but you did this to me. At the end I was shouting at him, swearing at him – all still in my own flat, not actually at him.
Now I see what he is; an abuser. My love for him is gone. I turned the love towards myself, it takes a lot of effort and I am still working at it daily.
You’ll get over him honey, you will 💪
Many hugs 💕

[Louloubee]

Aw thankyou . That’s so nice to here do brave … He’s been in contact 🙁 and he’s sucked Me in I’ve not given in but the texts are just making me feel bad …. He keeps asking “(detail removed by moderator)” I ignored a few then I replied! I said you got want you wanted the single life so leave me alone! … I know he’s already talking to someone I got a feeling … He cheated whilst with me so it really wouldn’t supprise me but why not leave me alone! IM back upset . Not sleeping . No contact is definitely the best way

[Louloubee]

He acts nice then he will say IM on every level crazy … His life is better he’s happy … He’s training eating clean not drinking …IM just immature! He’s trying everything and anything to make me feel guilty and in the wrong .. I feel he’s trying to make me feel guilty for god knows what ! So it takes the blame off him … Definitely talking to another women I think 🤦🏻‍♀️

[KIP.]

Block him on everything, if his life is so good then why is he contact you? Block and zero contact. Delete all his contact information too

[Louloubee]

Thankyou ladies I’ve done exactly that completely blocked and deleted all call logs so I don’t have his number and I feel better …. Thankyou x

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