Why am I so unloveable?

[Sunsetluv]

I feel so unloveable. I’m always made out to be the bad person by my partner, it’s never his fault arguments start it’s always mine.

All I want is to be loved and appreciated like I do for others but I obviously don’t deserve to be. I’ve been so numb all day. We had another argument this morning and I didn’t cry I just felt numb. But now it’s hit me and I’ve broken down.

I’m always made out to be the bad person that now I think I am. I know if I wasn’t here things would be so much more peaceful not just for everyone but for me. I wouldn’t have to worry about saying the wrong thing or doing the wrong thing. I’ve always been someone that ruins everything I remember as a kid being told I ruined things now I’m bringing it into adult hood. I was looking forward to turning (detail removed by Moderator) this year and this has been the hardest year of my life. I constantly compare myself to people because I don’t want to be me anymore. I really don’t like myself. Being accused by your partner of looking at men when you haven’t, it then being treated as a joke and never being apologised to really gets to you. Being snapped at randomly or accused of something he thought he heard me say when I didn’t. I’m sick of trying to defend myself and being called a liar over and over again. Dealing with his paranoia about others and me. Trying to convince him not everyone is bad or out to get him, yet he’s still paranoid.

I always apologise to everyone because I think I’m annoying them, even anyone reading this I’m sorry you have to listen to me ramble on. I’m sorry for being me!

sunsetluv x

[Bananaboat]

Oh bless you, sending a virtual hug for what it’s worth. You know the most ironic thing about all this, is that you’re so full of love & worthy of love that you’ve ended up with someone who isn’t. He’s not capable of love, he’s only acting like he is to get the supply he needs. Whereas you’re such a kind soul you’ve (consciously or unconsciously) seen past all the red flags to see what he could be. Took me years to learn this. He’s the problem not you xx

[ocean20]

Hiya sunsetluv x

It’s hard for me to reply to this because I mostly feel the same as you. Like I annoy people and like my love is tolerated, not cherished, never seem to get the same back. Like I’m an inconvenience.

But then why do they stay? It’s because you’re not any of those things, you’re someone with low self esteem and an easy person for them to abuse.

When you feel like an annoyance you’ve grateful for breadcrumbs. It’s really cruel.

I don’t know the answer, self love is an easy phrase but hard to do.

I hope you’re okay and I think you’re great x

[Author]

Posts