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    • #49903
      ineedtosurvivethis
      Participant

      I’m getting over leaving my emotionally abusive ex. So whilst I’m away getting over him all that consumes my brain is him going out and sleeping with women. Why am I so upset and bothered about it because he is such a vile vile man? It just breaks my heart that its over and he was so cruel to me. I mean hatefully cruel. I know he’s out there acting the man with everyone and not worried about me but why am.i hurting so bad over it? I don’t want him back. I just want him to be sorry, to hurt like me. I’m so lost.

    • #49905
      Indiansummer
      Participant

      Hi ineedtosurvivethis,
      Recognising the abuse and leaving your partner was so brave. Emotional abuse is so tricky – it is not as obvious, and the abuser messes with your head, knowing all your weaknesses and playing on them.

      Be kind to yourself. You fell in love with a person and it’s normal to feel jealous when thinking about them with someone else.
      I feel your pain, because I’d also love my ex partner feels all the emptiness I feel. But I know that even when he shares this kind of feelings with me it is only another way to manipulate me – to make me sorry for him and to blame me for his sorrows.

      I don’t know how soon it gets easier to let go these thoughts. But reading posts on this forum makes me hopeful that it eventually does.

      • #49916
        ineedtosurvivethis
        Participant

        Thank you.
        It just hurts really bad. I know what he is like. He would be out doing whatever with anyone just to give him that ego edge and he wouldn’t even like them it would just be revenge for me. I woke up in the night in a sweat, knowing something had happened. I cried, I hurt. But tried to get some sleep afterwards, because what’s done is done in my head. I just feel sorry for the next victim who gets sucked in. Im sorry you are hurting, you must be going through alot too. This whole charade of soldiering through without contact or needing them is extremely hard. But I know its for the best x x x x

    • #49970
      keepmovingfoward
      Participant

      It is hard. The thing I like about no contact is the less I know about his feelings and goings on the better. In the early days I was hearing about his depression, his suicidal thoughts, his nightmares all about him no effort to deal with how it had impacted on me (via friends not direct contact) I’ve now severed that contact too and it’s allowing me to move one. I have one last letter to write to him about his belongings and ending out business relationship as well then I don’t ever want to hear from him again.

      try and cut yourself free honey

      • #50004
        ineedtosurvivethis
        Participant

        Thanks sweets. I had to today. Two weeks and no contact and he was just screaming at me saying its all my fault and I deserve to die! I’m like…. Oh b****r off! Its getting way too much now! I’m actually bored of it. Bring on the next victim because this guy isn’t going to change!
        Thanks for the kind words. Going completely NC back to the beginning now so yeh lesson learned today! I know I’m not crazy x

    • #49971
      KIP.
      Participant

      Google trauma bonding. It explained a lot of my feelings. As humans we crave what is normal to us. Even if it’s a violent dysfunctional relationship. This part takes a while to get over but you will.

      • #50005
        ineedtosurvivethis
        Participant

        Thanks my lovely. Its like a drug but with a nasty bitter, violent aftertaste.
        It has to be powered through because all of this is wearing me out!!
        Xxxx

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