- This topic has 6 replies, 6 voices, and was last updated 1 year, 9 months ago by
.
-
Posts
-
-
I would like to preface this by saying that it is a rant and that I am waiting for counselling – so perhaps the question is rhetorical.
My partner is (insert swear word here) and I honestly feel like I am drowning sometimes. I was so proud of myself at the weekend – and he trampled all over it and then tried to make me feel guilty for it. I am a cross between furious and feeling like the child that was taught to keep quiet and suppress her feelings to please everyone else!
We went out to eat, which was lovely and when we came back he was all over me. I barely opened my mouth when he kissed me and didn’t raise my arms to touch him. He carried out and eventually, when it was obvious I wasn’t enjoying it or actually involved, he asked me if I was ok and I said I wasn’t in the mood. He sat back down and had a right face on him, whereas I felt more relaxed and proud of myself for actually telling him I wasn’t in the mood rather than hoping the fact that I am not participating/just lying there making no noise at all would give him a hint that I don’t want to.
I lay down on the couch (on my front) and was playing a game (detail removed by Moderator). As I was lying down he straddled me to give me a kiss and stayed there, on top of me, to look over my shoulder and watch to see if I won. I didn’t, which meant more of his tongue being stuck down my throat, but by now he is literally grinding on top of me – to the point I can feel HIM (if you know what I mean). I stopped playing the game and its dark in the house, and he pulled my top down blah blah blah and kissing my neck etc – not half an hour after I told him I was not in the mood. I just froze, but my brain was going a mile a dozen telling me to slap him and ask him what he thought he was doing, but I couldn’t. Half way through he asked me if I was ok, I just grunted at him. When he had finally finished I went straight to the bathroom because I thought I was going to throw up. Then I went to bed. The next morning I got up to go to the loo and he followed me downstairs wanting sex again, I couldn’t speak so I didn’t say anything, so he asked me if he should get dressed and I managed a yes. He then proceeded to sulk all day long – every time I looked at him he looked like I had broken his heart.
I am so tired of not being able to just say no – I do not advocate violence but I should have slapped him and told him to get the hell off of me! I am a victim of rape and sexual assault and I am tired. It is really affecting my mental health at this point.
Any advice or words of comfort accepted, but please be gentle with me as I am feeling really fragile today.
Love and hugs,
Scarecrow x
-
This is a very confusing situation to be in I’ve been in similar many times you can probably tell by some of my recent posts and the advice I got I will tell you -you did say no but he did not accept that boundary he sexually assaulted you.you can speak to the rape crisis line which will tell you that every time you have sexual contact you must get permission unlike you I found it hard to call it rape or sexual assault but it is !we think cause they are our partners that we should be in the mood .mine used to get angry to the point I’d just say ok or I’ll just end up in bed.I’ve experienced assault many times but I still can’t call it assault one time he squeezed into bed with me while I slept as I didn’t force him off I didn’t know if it was abuse or not but I’m told it’s coercive I said no but he wouldn’t take the answer so I give in to leave me alone I’ve even been told before that as I’m
His partner I should be able to offer it anytime . -
Oh lovely, don’t be too hard on yourself we do what we need to to stay safe. When faced with situations our most common instinctual reactions are flight/fight/freeze, we all think we’d fight but often than not freeze dominates and we then ask ourselves why afterwards. This doesn’t make his actions right in anyway, and being deeply ingrained reactions probably something a counsellor would be best to help with. The important part for you is to protect yourself now and going forward to decide what you want to do – reach out for support xx
-
-
Thank you all, I think i just need validation – which is pathetic at my age.
Really appreciate all the words of support 🙂
Scarecrow
-
We freeze to survive. Our instincts know that we are not in a position to fight or run. The amygdala takes control and chooses the lesser evil. It feels horrible but it’s just how humans and many other living creatures function to stay alive and in one piece. It cannot be controlled.
And needing validation is just natural, no matter the age. Especially in such horrible circumstances.
A hug ❤️
-
-
They just don’t care that you don’t want to, and it just disgusts me so bad cos I know that 💯 I don’t think I’d be able to live with myself if I did that knowing someone didn’t want to me to, please speak to women’s aid it’s gonna ruin your self esteem being with him and you might eventually switch off and just let him carry on furthering harm to you emotionally and this game? Was it is his idea? Cos sometimes they use manipulation tactics to get us into situations that benefit only them, I was going to ask were there situations growing up where you felt you couldn’t say no or ended up dissociating or fawning? cos those learned behaviour or tactics we use sometimes stay with us into adulthood (I learned that way as a child too) please seek help it can’t stay this way, this is a horrible thing to try and tolerate and feel like 💖🤗💖
-
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.
