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It’s been a few years since I broke up with my ex. We have a young daughter together so we still have to be in contact.
I try to be strong and assertive, show that I won’t stand for his control anymore but the more I do that the angrier he gets. Then I try to be civil and friendly and then he thinks he can manipulate me more.
so I tried again to tell him contact is going to minimal unless it’s regarding our daughter then he gets angry at that saying two people can play that game.we speak through the my family app, but it’s like he thinks someone is always watching so he literally makes things up to make me look bad and change the narrative – although I hope if anyone does have to read these that the can see the mask slip like I can see when he replies.
I can’t do it, I have done so many things to get myself out of depression these last few years. Counselling, medication, gym and recently I’ve just hit a wall. I feel weak and I think he knows it.
He’s got no friends so being extra friendly with all the school parents which makes me feel isolated. Like he’s putting a narrative into their head and I’m just the outsider. That might just be me being paranoid but it really isn’t helping with my head.
I feel so lost and don’t know what to do. I just feel like I’m struggling so much on how to act as a person; just as I did when I was with him. It was all so confusing, never had any idea of who I was. And all of that is creeping back in at the moment.
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Sounds really really tough. So sorry to hear about what he’s doing to you.
Having to stay in contact for any reason, including children, is unavoidable sometimes, but really bad for your mental health.
I do think persistence is the thing that breaks most of us down. That feeling that you’ll never get away from this.
I hope you can find a way to work with this. Maybe a completely separate group of friends that he will never know anything about? A women’s group. Somewhere where you can all have a laugh about it and help wind down some of the stress and tension? Start a group if you can’t find one, but keep it completely secret and safe from him.
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It is so difficult having to stay in contact. Sometimes it feels harder than actually being with them.
what I find so frustrating is that court and judges don’t see that and don’t care. (court detail removed by Moderator).it frustrates me as we are just told we have to continue as normal and they have no care about the mental affects it’s has on the women (and the children but it takes longer to show when they are young!)
knowing that I will have him in our life forever is so difficult but I guess I just have to remind myself that I’m stronger than I think and I will always be my daughters protector.
thank you so much for responding, I really appreciate it x
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Yes I do understand what you mean.
For me there are just certain times when I just can’t handle it.
Other times I feel quite resilient and think “I don’t give a f**k what other people think” if they want to listen to some creep bitching about his wife/girlfriend then they’re sadder than he is.
But the non-stop nature of how they keep going at us means that at least some of the time it can get me down.
I’m like you, just trying to get through it as best I can. Find whatever strategies you can and that work for you.We really need to have distance from them so that we can stop reacting in a fearful way, and start to see them in perspective.
I agree that courts etc seem to have no understanding or sensitivity to this. It’s awful.
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