13th February 2020 at 7:03 pm #97634
Oh my God I’m furious, plan b to screw me over and keep control of the situation.
We have agreed a figure between us for him to give me to buy a house. We both said we wanted to get it sorted and would get financial agreement done by one solicitor and halve costs (I am still planning on getting mine to give it a once over outside of this) . He was going to get the ball rolling today and I felt relieved that we’re moving forward at last.
Phone call (removed by moderator) to say he’s given her an overview of all the figures and she mentioned my pension (he doesn’t have one).
He’s now decided that…
(detail removed by moderator)
I hate this man. Every time I think we’re getting somewhere he twists the knife .
My thought is to go through financials but and see what results from it. Or do I refuse to sign until we have something drawn up that I’m resident parent?
13th February 2020 at 8:48 pm #97647
Would this blackmail be considered to be harrassment? What is??
13th February 2020 at 9:38 pm #97657OvercomeParticipant
I don’t have much advice but what I will say is you should never make deals with the devil! Just go through the proper legal route and don’t do him any favours. He is still using your kindness for weakness and tactics to control and get a reaction out of you x
13th February 2020 at 9:59 pm #97662lost and lonelyParticipant
I finally gathered the courage to leave my abuser and put the house we shared on the market… He did everything in his power to scupper this… The house was sold… but he refused to cooperate with the estate agents… to the point where they agents called me to advise they couldn’t market the property anymore as he wouldn’t comply with the sale of the property… In the end he had to buy me out as I sought legal advice… Whilst it was costly to me it was the best thing I ever did… I had to involve the law but in the end it paid off… I know have a mortgage on my own place… a new partner and a house filled with love… I never thought I’d get to this point as he always told me I couldn’t function without him… But I did… and I still am… Please find this strength within yourselves… we are all worth so much more and all deserve happiness… I am so glad to be out the other side with a partner who has shown me what true love really is… Please keep fighting… I did for over a decade and a half and it led me to where I am today… At peace, in love, safe and extremely happy… I didn’t know my worth for years and now I finally do… He is still him and always will be (they never change…) but we do… we learn. We live. We survive. I’ve done it and so can you… Happiness is out there and we all deserve it… x*x
14th February 2020 at 12:00 am #97676
Thank you for the responses. I understand I maybe went into too much depth but I feel some of the point of my post has been lost. Basically he’s blackmailing me that I may end up with nothing or very little or he’ll go for full custody if I challenge this and admits it’s not in kids interests but he’d do it to screw me over .
14th February 2020 at 7:08 am #97679KIP.Participant
Yes he’s blackmailing and threatening you. Do you have it in writing. If not try to get him to email or text it. The court and your solicitor will want evidence of his behaviour. You can’t worry about every threat he makes because there’s lots more to come and that’s how he’s controlling you. Lean on your solicitor and her advice. I doubt very much he’d ever get custody. Do not believe a word he says. He knows your weak spots and he will exploit them. Just tell your solicitor you want everything that the law says you’re entitled to and to take her gloves off. You trust him because you’re a good person and at one point you thought he was too but he’s not. Remember what he was like when you were together, things will get much worse now so protect yourself. Keep all the evidence you can of his behaviour because a judge won’t like that threatening behaviour and he’s admitting it too! Keep a detailed journal of what’s going on just in case it goes to court or if you have a strong case and evidence of his threats then he might not want that exposed.
14th February 2020 at 7:25 am #97680
I don’t have it in writing, he’d never do that, he’s very cautious. But I do have it on a voice recording, including that he’d only go fur kids to spite me. He doesn’t do texts etc it’s always phone calls.
14th February 2020 at 8:22 am #97682KIP.Participant
A voice recording is great. You need to keep all this evidence as back up. My ex threatened the same but it was all hot air. Do not believe a word he says. Try to think with your head instead of your heart. Look at the facts of your case from a third party point of view without the panic and emotion that abusers bring. What does your solicitor say? What in her opinion will the out come be? Be guided by her not by his threats. My ex even shook my hand like he was sealing a business deal then tried to screw me over. They are liars and that’s the first thing you need to get to grips with. He will screw you over and change the goal posts every time. Stick to the facts, the law and your solicitor and cut contact with him. I managed to divorce my ex while he had bail conditions then a restraining order and I did it via my solicitor. Yes it was more expensive possibly although I walked away with so much more than he every told me I would. Gloves off you own him nothing and it’s not up to him who gets what in a divorce x get his voice out your head. He’s living there rent free.
14th February 2020 at 9:41 am #97687
Do you know if this would be considered harrassment / threatening behaviour. i.e. at what level does it need to get to before it would be considered by the police as a genuine thing and not just 2 people going through a divorce ?
Problem is i’m on a good wage and dont qualify for legal aid. I am trying to cut costs down on food shopping etc but still only just scraping the barrel so i’m not sure how i’d afford to take this to court 🙁
He keeps accusing me of having someone else. Why would anyone actually want to be involved with another man after living with something like this !!
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