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    • #171699
      Cat24
      Participant

      So I opened up briefly about how I’d been stalked after leaving an abusive relationship to my friends. I was met with silence mostly . But why when I speak about the fact I’m a domestic abuse survivor do I feel in fight or flight mode for days after ? I thought it might make me feel relieved to open up but it’s made me an anxious mess. Has anyone else had this?

    • #171781
      Sogo1234
      Participant

      I’m so sorry your friends were silent when you opened up. I think we expect either not to be believed or for people to downplay the severity of it..or that we will be judged. I find these forums so valuable and helpful because people do understand and will empathise.

       

      I recall telling one of my friends about how my ex was stalking me, threatened my male friends and I felt unsafe going to events where he would be and was essentially told I need to get over it and forgive and forget. I felt so upset and betrayed by that. No one understands unless they have experienced DA themselves.

    • #171804
      Cat24
      Participant

      Yeh it’s been quite difficult but I’m feeling stronger . I’ve also noticed people are going through bad patches within their own lives so it might also be that they cannot deal with it. The loving crisis has not helped matters either .

      Yeh you can’t just get over it or we could be putting ourselves in danger if we bump into that person.

      Halloween is keeping me busy. Something to look forward to

       

    • #171806
      fika
      Participant

      I’m so sorry your friends were silent, I can only imagine how painful that felt after you’d probably had to hype yourself up to speak about it.

      This is unfortunately relatable. I don’t think everyone quite understands the severity of the situation if they haven’t been there themselves. Sometimes it felt like what I was telling someone and what they were hearing were so entirely different, because their responses were so minimising. It felt so frustrating, like they were missing the point entirely.

      Do you have anyone else you can lean on and talk to about it? Or do you think any of these friends would be open to hearing about how their silence hurt you? You deserve to have loving people around you

    • #171820
      Cat24
      Participant

      Unfortunately I don’t trust anyone. Due to the nature of my previous work I have heard professionals not believe victims. People who are meant to be supporting victims still have these beliefs woven inside them thats its somehow the victims fault. Only 2 people were genuine and non judgemental in both areas of work I did.  The only person I felt who was genuine was a therapist. So I have signed up for one again.

      So therapist and here will be for me. I think also that would help me in my recovery because people who I’m emotionally attached to , if they come out with ” oh but you chose him” or silence , that hurts and it feels like the abuse all over again which sends me into feeling useless and sad.

      Yeh I felt so brave… then deflated, then brave , then deflated …that went on for a week. So I decided today to use this hurt to motivate me and I’ve been majorly productive today. So today is a good day, so I’m holding onto that feeling . And everyone on here is helping with that feel.good feeling .

      I dont feel so alone now in this situation.  So I thank everyone for that.

       

       

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