Why do I feel so guilty

[Borntobefree]

Hi
So it’s been well over a year still struggling
Why do I blame myself for attracting these abusers in my life ..yes iam too vulnerable yes iam very sensitive child in an adults body .
Why did I not speak up when the signs was there .
My abuser walks free never even got to court
Police said I was the one with the mental illness ..maybe they right ..but I did not deserve every thing my ex did to me ..
Yes I’ve never trusted men ever ..
My ex provoked me chipped at my self esteem..
Police are only bothered if they hit you
Why not psychological damage. Unless you got evidence

[SunshineRainflower]

Hi Born to be free,

I think it’s very normal to feel guilty, as it’s one tool abusers use to trap us – FOG (fear, obligation and guilt). I often feel guilty, pretty much daily, as I seem to have several abusive people in my life in varying degrees who are great at guilt-tripping and acting like I am the bad, mean one so that I comply to their demands.

Sorry to hear what happened with the Police, it’s awful when justice is not served and they focus on your mental health. I had a similar experience with both the mental health aspect at the psychological abuse aspect. It’s incredibly wrong and frustrating. Change needs to happen in the system.

The best thing we can do now is look after ourselves, build and nourish ourselves to be the best people we can be. Strong, brave and wise. We are already those things, we just need to remind ourselves and be kind to ourselves so we can now flourish.

I often feel like a child in an adults body, every single day in fact! I can really relate.

Don’t blame yourself for attracting them. Perhaps you experienced abuse as a child and it seems normal. You know better now. Have you done the freedom programme/power to change course?

[Delilah]

I wish I could say something to comfort you but I feel the same. I want to press charges against my perpetrator but I feel guilty. Was it really that bad – as I sit here after another day off work, having been to the doctor for more anti-depressants barely able to drag myself through each day. I have this bizarre mind-set that when I hear his ex-wife and ex-girlfriend describing the same behaviours I feel out-raged but still question those same behaviours towards me. I don’t understand.

Nobody deserves to be undermined, belittled and self-esteem to be chipped at – I wish I could be more wise for you but just at the beginning of my recovery journey. Take care and remember – if you look towards the sun the shadows will fall behind you x

[Borntobefree]

Hi thanks for your comments
I know I was not to blame I know of another victim she went through the same .I sent the evidence to the police but she never pressed charges against him .so police don’t want to know …it just makes me feel sick … it haunts me each day…

[Confused123]

Hi HUn

So sorry to hear how the police dealt with u, totally unprofessional the comments that were made, i think we can only do our part and report them , then wait for karma to hit them if police take no action

[Serenity]

Hi There,

First of all, please stop blaming yourself.

These abusers either hunt out victims who they know have certain vulnerabilities, or they enjoy the challenge of gradually breaking down someone who is strong.

A good person would not wish to exploit your vulnerabilities: they would want to help you overcome them, not use them for their own ends and as a way of controlling you.

Unfortunately, abuse victims are left with mental health issues, including anxiety and PTSD, amongst other things. Then the perpetrators turn it around and try to make out its us who has the issues. The reality is, they have used our emotions against us in a very manipulative way.

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The truth is, if it weren’t for these evil predators, you wouldn’t be in the emotional state you are. They were the cause, not you- don’t forget that. You aren’t a robot. Nobody comes out unscathed from abuse.

Get all the help you can, toss any self-blame out the window and show yourself some compassion. Just because these abusers don’t admit abuse, it doesn’t mean it wasn’t real.

You will get there, I promise. We’ve been on a huge learning curve. We now know what certain people are capable of. We need never have them in our lives again, and we don’t need to listen to their lies. We’ve got their number.

Huge hugs x

[Author]

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