Why do I miss him?

[Tenerifeseaoth]

Morning, I hope you are all doing ok. I hope it’s ok, I just needed somewhere to talk.

I have recently cut all contact and have had to get the police involved. He was arrested but the investigation has gone quiet for a moment.

I have had to go through videos, recording and photos/messages, in order to gather evidence But as I’m going through them, I’m finding I miss him a lot, or do I? I’m confused. One minute I hear or see something horrible he did and the next its a side of him that wasn’t horrible, but good.

I’m so all over the place. He has been told not to contact me, But throughout our whole relationship (detail removed by moderator) we always shared (detail removed by moderator). We have a (detail removed by moderator), he adds (detail removed by moderator), each (detail removed by moderator) and it’s been on going for a long time. Before the police were involved, He hadn’t (detail removed by moderator) and I’m not sure what it means. Is that him trying to reach me?

It’s all making it worse. I have logged out of (detail removed by moderator) to avoid looking at the added songs, but I feel awful about it all today.

Is the confusion normal? I’m sorry if this makes no sense.

Thank you x

[Hereforhelp]

Hey lovely, yes it is part of the abuse, the confusion is the FOG cycle of abuse (Fear, Obligation and Guilt) it is what keeps us there doubting ourselves…

Keeping zero contact is the best way to stop it (if you can go zero contact) and absolutely try and not to login into the (detail removed by moderator) as you will be double guessing the (detail removed by moderator) and message your ex may be sending you. He is an abuser, he will not stop.

I have been out for quite some months now and it is getting easier but I cannot look at ‘happy times’ photos of us as it really impacts me, so I no longer look for now (I threw my wedding album out as it made me so miserable!).

Keep posting ❤

Do you have support in place?

[Tenerifeseaoth]

Thank you so much for your reply.

The confusion is the hardest part, the questioning, the why’s and the doubting. It’s hard to wrap your head around and understand, let alone explain.

I haven’t been in contact for a little over (detail removed by moderator) (minus the (detail removed by moderator) from him), Nothing he has sent me has been replied to and It’s been extremely hard. He seems to know what to say to try and get a response. But I haven’t Looked at the (detail removed by moderator) either and have deleted the app to avoid logging back on.

Well done for getting out and staying out. That’s the hardest bit. It took me a long time to get to this point and I can appreciate how hard it can be and has been. You are very brave and strong, especially for getting rid of the wedding album and not looking at ‘happy times’.

I have support in place. I hope you do too? x*x

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