21st January 2019 at 11:53 am #71066
First time from writing English and about this one I had a not long a go we are women mums sister aunt wife who are the best for the most part growing up small human beings with them To day one of them will have a life and teach afterwards how long they will
Wow giving birth we are amazing so many ways best cooker best chemist best teacher best protection creator of everything that you can imagine we are need to get the ends of the price for we are getting earn ourselves nothing we treat like a piece of rubbish we get abbeys their wishes wr are nothing more than to be a s**t worthless to paying price for them To should be beating up a rubbish punching bags and there’s no more to be there for you next time then sneak in the learn your life and get weakened about you and torture you never talking about me I had a enough reason for that why would I get myself Myself giving them enoughing gains of my torture pain with a cant take it anymore I just want to talk but no one is ever gonna trust that if I don’t take it off my chest i will be long lost the life of me nothing to much hope for me
I just want to my wishes dream about how can i be protect my daughter future of life stay away from the same way of life with me showin help them to get their listeners to be happy with away from them happily ever after they live their life I cannot do they need i not strong enough for them standing up I getting desperate scared hopeless suffering from what if im not enough for care about who will be there for them royal trust in I need find out the way out of my life but I don’t know how or how to control strong feelings for say no to others I don’t know what to say though driving me crazy
21st January 2019 at 12:10 pm #71067
I hate myself ashamed of for being weakening vulnerable people who are easily lost control of life me my failure is not them blame only me my hell i let them get to me i wasn’t strong enough good enough for faild it if I haves a reason to be alive only because of my love for my daughter if I lost them nothing to me lived in the whole world only because I’m a mother
21st January 2019 at 6:30 pm #71099ApricotpoppyParticipant
Hi Only , well done for reaching out to us especially your first time writing in English.
I can sense from your post you have been through a terrible time and suffered very bad abuse. This is illegal and there is help for you. I can see you love your children dearly.
Could you speak to Womens Aid and your GP for support and help. What is your spoken English like ? You may be able to ask for an interpreter if you need it.
All the best
Apricot poppy x
21st January 2019 at 8:47 pm #71110
Thanks for reading my story I wasn’t sure if any one responded that way heard my voice I lost all my hope for people who are human being really human being not true honestly cares about others i can talk and understand but writing my words cannot do correct explain myself rights ways or misunderstood means I want to say something wrong discussion about me and yes i love more than anything even more than mylife I give my life to protection emotionally and mentally physically heartbroken I will do anything for them to become like me I trying really hard for them to get better future building up but I’m scared to failure getting them because I surround people’s families that believe that Girl I want send weekend to drama sing and dance with they needed this help them get speach language treatment for her and older daughters confidence build created for her friend and teacher bonding with her effects learning and seeing such a people around cant escape the culture of life everywhere around me there are doing everything stop being with getting want you want girls no need extra education or anything more they grow up and marry giving birth defend of husband not easy to talk ot get help against them believe me i still looking how to deal with them sabotage any way of life till i get more successful for my daughters learn independent life gets i not strong enough not sure who to trust or not playing my mind emotional and physical abuse and having disables suffering pain anxiety treatment every 3 months for pain clinic infusion and treatment for difficulty daily life effects now treat thme physical symptoms and emotional all the way no good enough to looking after my kids twists my health no good mother always worry scared panic and anxiety problems now did I really losing myself might mind getting paranoid about everything what if used my health again me future get my kids away from me I cannot take risks to talk even I don’t want to think ever losing my kids taking away me
21st January 2019 at 9:19 pm #71112LisaMain Moderator
Welcome to the forum, I hope you find it a supportive place to be.
It sounds like you have been through a lot. It is never anyone’s fault if they are abused. Abusers choose to behave in this way and you didn’t deserve what happened to you. It sounds like your children are important to you and you are worried about their well-being.
You mentioned that this is your first time writing in English. Its great you have found the forum and posted. If you did want to call the National Domestic Violence Helpline they can ask for interpreter to be on the line.
Alternatively, you could contact your local domestic abuse service for face to face support.
Take care and keep posting
21st January 2019 at 9:23 pm #71113IwantmebackParticipant
Being a mother is the hardest job in the world, you are doing an amazing job. You have recognised an abusive relationship, you will teach your girls boundaries and that is a lesson that will stand them in good stead for life. I believe we walk this abusive path for a reason, maybe we are the ‘light workers’, changing the world’s/societies patriarchal views fir the good of future generations. Who knows. I’m learning a lot about myself, I have morals and boundaries but I’ll not listen to them because I’ve always put others feelings and opinions before my own. Finding the strength to do that, put me first, is hard and difficult, goes against everything I’ve been programmed to think and BE.
You’ll do okay, you’re here, you’re gaining knowledge and you have the love and strength of us all.
Blessings to you and your girls.
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