Why do they blame us

[Nikenikenkie123456789]

I’ve had abuse since in my moms tummy and it’s never stopped,, I left for good this time but I’m really struggling with why they blame me,is it really my fault?? 😭😭😭

[Serenity]

Hi Nike ( if I might shorten your name to that!),

The overriding feature that links all abusers is that they try to project blame.

My ex apologised once in two decades- when I demanded an apology for his hideous language. Other than that, everything was everyone else’s fault.

My dad left because my mum asked him to pull his weight (!) and blamed her for telling him what to do; he blamed us kids for being noisy. My dad said my mum was wrong for not letting him flirt.

My ex is no doubt justifying his terrible treatment of everyone by telling himself that they are ungrateful, don’t appreciate his superiority; he justifies his abuse to me over the years by being angry that I didn’t treat him like a king, let him abuse us, that I dared to adore my kids and not just him…

You get the picture?

They can abuse because they somehow justify it to themselves, in their warped view of reality. Because to them, other people should serve their every need.

[godschild]

Hi, Totally agree with Serenity, they will not look at themselves to see how wretched their behavoir is so they have to project it onto us and they do live in a fasle reality , they live in denial and have to use us to cover their tracks and stay convinced even to themselves that it is not them x*x

[Healthyarchive]

They blame us because it lets them off the hook, its so much easier to do this. My ex did so many awful things which were 100% his actions, I think he apologized to me once and that was insincere and false. I expect it makes them feel better as well as justified during the smear campaign. X*X

[Nikenikenkie123456789]

Thanks for all your advice,, I see a bit more clearer now xx

[Velveteenbun]

When my ex assaulted me physically the first time it was my fault. In his words “you kind of deserved it”. I never got an apology. I can’t ever remember him saying sorry for anything.
He can’t take any responsibility everything is someone elses fault usually mine.

[Confused123]

HI Hun

Well it couldnt possibly be them, they have no remorse and everything is always our fault, dotn listen cause its all lies, they just feel better making us think its our fault then they are not the bad one

[Healthyarchive]

Blaming someone else is more comfortable for the blamer, it lets them off the hook of whatever horrible thing they did & its quicker and easier to let go and move on. Just blame someone else. That is what they do.

[I am better than this]

I also think sometimes they blame us because they actually cannot see any wrong in their own behaviour. Which is pretty scary in itself. My ex would apologise but only if he felt under threat of me telling him where to go. He mastered the art of looking sincere whilst knowing he was off out later to carry on doing the very thing he was apologising for!!

And now we are separated, on the rare occasion he apologises and I don’t react favourably towards him….his tone instantly changes along with his facial expression. Whereupon I look at him and think “yep, I knew you were in there all along”!!!

[Author]

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