- This topic has 8 replies, 7 voices, and was last updated 7 years, 5 months ago by I am better than this.
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29th September 2016 at 6:02 pm #29159Nikenikenkie123456789Participant
I’ve had abuse since in my moms tummy and it’s never stopped,, I left for good this time but I’m really struggling with why they blame me,is it really my fault?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
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29th September 2016 at 6:47 pm #29162SerenityParticipant
Hi Nike ( if I might shorten your name to that!),
The overriding feature that links all abusers is that they try to project blame.
My ex apologised once in two decades- when I demanded an apology for his hideous language. Other than that, everything was everyone else’s fault.
My dad left because my mum asked him to pull his weight (!) and blamed her for telling him what to do; he blamed us kids for being noisy. My dad said my mum was wrong for not letting him flirt.
My ex is no doubt justifying his terrible treatment of everyone by telling himself that they are ungrateful, don’t appreciate his superiority; he justifies his abuse to me over the years by being angry that I didn’t treat him like a king, let him abuse us, that I dared to adore my kids and not just him…
You get the picture?
They can abuse because they somehow justify it to themselves, in their warped view of reality. Because to them, other people should serve their every need.
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29th September 2016 at 8:13 pm #29167godschildParticipant
Hi, Totally agree with Serenity, they will not look at themselves to see how wretched their behavoir is so they have to project it onto us and they do live in a fasle reality , they live in denial and have to use us to cover their tracks and stay convinced even to themselves that it is not them x*x
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29th September 2016 at 9:51 pm #29179HealthyarchiveBlocked
They blame us because it lets them off the hook, its so much easier to do this. My ex did so many awful things which were 100% his actions, I think he apologized to me once and that was insincere and false. I expect it makes them feel better as well as justified during the smear campaign. X*X
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30th September 2016 at 12:13 am #29189Nikenikenkie123456789Participant
Thanks for all your advice,, I see a bit more clearer now xx
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23rd October 2016 at 12:02 pm #30632VelveteenbunParticipant
When my ex assaulted me physically the first time it was my fault. In his words “you kind of deserved it”. I never got an apology. I can’t ever remember him saying sorry for anything.
He can’t take any responsibility everything is someone elses fault usually mine. -
23rd October 2016 at 9:07 pm #30655Confused123Participant
HI Hun
Well it couldnt possibly be them, they have no remorse and everything is always our fault, dotn listen cause its all lies, they just feel better making us think its our fault then they are not the bad one
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23rd October 2016 at 9:15 pm #30656HealthyarchiveBlocked
Blaming someone else is more comfortable for the blamer, it lets them off the hook of whatever horrible thing they did & its quicker and easier to let go and move on. Just blame someone else. That is what they do.
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23rd October 2016 at 9:48 pm #30659I am better than thisParticipant
I also think sometimes they blame us because they actually cannot see any wrong in their own behaviour. Which is pretty scary in itself. My ex would apologise but only if he felt under threat of me telling him where to go. He mastered the art of looking sincere whilst knowing he was off out later to carry on doing the very thing he was apologising for!!
And now we are separated, on the rare occasion he apologises and I don’t react favourably towards him….his tone instantly changes along with his facial expression. Whereupon I look at him and think “yep, I knew you were in there all along”!!!
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