Why do they do it?

[Emmlogan]

It’s so unfair isn’t it? We love them, they love us? Why do they have to treat us in a way that means we can’t be with them anymore. All I wanted to do was to spend the rest of my life with him. It seemed so simple. He told me he loved me more than anyone else he’d ever met. He told me he adored me. He got down on one knee and asked me to marry him. All he needed to do was stop screaming at me and being so horrible to me. That was it. It can’t have been an impossible task when he loved me like he said he did to simply not scream at me that I am a f**king c**t on regular basis. If he could have just done that, we could be together but he couldn’t and now we have to go forward in our lives as two separate people going in separate directions, never seeing each other ever again. It’s so unfair. I just want to be with him but I can’t because he wouldn’t stop being cruel and nasty to me. Why would you actively choose to break your heart by losing the women you adore rather than just stopping being so horrible to her? I will never understand. I will never get my head round not being with him anymore. I will never stop thinking how utterly insane a situation this is 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

[SunshineRainflower]

I’m sorry you’re feeling so sad about it, I can definitely relate. The painful thing is that they chose to treat us like this. There is a very good book called ‘Why does he do that?’ by Lundy Bancroft which I think might help you make more sense of it.

Even if they do love us, in the end what matters more to them is having power and control, hence why they hurt us because the abuse gives them the power (until we escape and regain it).

There’s also some really good resources online by Pat Craven you could look up. I found reading information about abuse and writing down my thoughts really helped. I agree though that it is very sad, painful and confusing. Because we are genuine, kind, honest people it’s almost impossible for us to get our heads around how these types of men think.

[phantasmagorical]

I don’t know either. It does feel insane, sort of like it isn’t happening and you’ve gone into another dimension. Sometimes I think of how great things would have been if he’d been good and true, but he was deceptive and fake and parasitic. I sometimes think he preferred destruction.

[Author]

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