Why does he do this?

[Hopefulwishes]

So I was dreading this week me and my older kids at home for half term. It has surprisingly been ok. He seems to have a massive issue with my 2 children that were to my ex husband and (detail removed by moderator) was drop off day for them to go to their dads until (detail removed by moderator). He’s been fine all day and then they (detail removed by moderator). Mocking them for looking stupid. (Detail removed by moderator)  etc etc. Then in the car said (detail removed by moderator). Which was out of character then paused and said (detail removed by moderator). So obviously I spoke up. I’m not having him make my children feel like rubbish when they go away for the weekend. He then said (detail removed by moderator). Bet you wish you’d stayed with him etc etc.
There is no need for any of those remarks. There’s a few other things that were said too but I shouldn’t have to deal with this and then he wonders why I’m off with him and says I need to get over it. Argh! I’m so infuriated.

[Darcy]

Good morning my angel… hopefulwishes,
I’ve tried to get the tread of what you are saying as some of it has been removed by the moderator.
However it is good that you are recognising that the way he is speaking to you is unacceptable, please don’t let him grind you down any further – because he will –
Its also very unhealthy for your children to be around this kind of behaviour and this will be effecting them to.
You deserve better and by posting on here there is a tiny part of you that has acknowledged that, give this part of you a voice and get back in your power… you don’t have to live like this
Sending you love and support
Darcy xx

[Hopefulwishes]

Thank you so much. Reading your post has made me cry. I’m having a bad day today. I want to leave so badly and I have a house to go to but I just don’t seem to be able to make that jump. I’m terrified of what he’s going to do. He’s made so many threats about ruining my job, calling the police on me, saying me and my kids are bullying him! Said he will ruin my life and have my kids taken from me. Basically making whatever lies he can about me to destroy my life.

[KIP.]

He does this deliberately and he enjoys it. Always has and always will. Enjoys watching you upset and enjoys messing with the kids minds and stripping their self confidence too. Once an abuser always an abuser x

[Hopefulwishes]

Your words are always so helpful KIP thank you. Having a bad day today. I want to leave so badly but can’t seem to do it!

[KIP.]

Just keep your journal of his behaviour and one day will be the day you simply have enough. What’s actually stopping you from leaving. Try a pros and cons list x

[Hopefulwishes]

It’s the threats he makes and I’m worried about how he will be about our daughter.

[KIP.]

Threats like this aver very common. Get some free legal advice and talk to women’s a aid to see just how likely these threats are in reality. Know the facts, not his lies. How practical would it be in reality? Your daughter is being damaged by his behaviour just now. If you can parent without his influence you can teach her right from wrong, how to handle abuse and that abuse is wrong and that she should never ever tolerate it in a relationship. By allowing his abuse towards you and others it’s normalising that behaviour to them. My son copied his father’s behaviour and looking back it was simply what he saw and was taught as a child.

[Darcy]

Hopefulwishes, its a massive step to leave, but once you close one door a new one will open for you. You have done the ground work if you have somewhere to go so well done already.
Abusers/bully’s work on intimidation, get your power back and strength and don’t let him intimidate you anymore.
I know its easy for me to say … but I have been their and once I stood in my power it started to turn things around.
Yes I was scared after I left him but he wont destroy your life now unless you allow him to and by leaving you’ve already made the decision that you won’t allow him to anymore.
People around you and your work will get the measure of him and what’s going on and see straight through his story … its obvious… its only when you are in the thick of it you cant
Please trust in yourself and have faith
Be strong my angel and stay in touch
D xx

[Hopefulwishes]

Thank you so so much. Your words really do help and are encouraging. It’s crazy that in the beginning this man was amazing the best relationship ever and made me feel alive and now the same man has made me feel worse than I’ve ever felt and has drained that life from me. It’s really sad.

[Darcy]

Get that life back in you my darling … and don’t allow anyone again to take it from you
Show your daughter how strong you are and be her example
xx

[Hopefulwishes]

Thank you. I feel more positive today. I would honestly be happy on my own for a long time now I think just rebuilding myself and focusing on my children and their happiness.

[Darcy]

You have said that beautifully my angel … that is exactly what you need to focus on now and do x*x

[Author]

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