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Would anyone be able to identify why my husband is saying Im trying to be king of the castle, he mentioned gaslighting him. I didnt like how he was disaplinin the children and said for him to calm down, he has said I was wrong and undermining him. When i said that i was allowed an opinion he said I was trying to be in charge and had to except his ways sometimes, my (detail removed by Moderator) child agree with him but (detail removed by Moderator) child also is very harsh with the kids and I again do not like it. I was surprised by (detail removed by Moderator) child saying this as they had so many issues with dad and disapline (partly why I am onguard and stepping in at times)
He asked me to do something for him which i could not do there and then, this made him annoyed that I didnt do as he asked, I explained later and said it was unfair to just get angry there were reasons why i couldnt help him when he asked.
He keeps saying I do not ask him how he feels that I do not care. That I am not caring and I am not loving, I am not affectionate.
He was up very early (his choice) and had a busy day, fell asleep, I had no problem with this. However, I mentioned him (detail removed by Moderator) to (detail removed by Moderator) and he was half asleep and said angrily that i should explain why he is (detail removed by Moderator). I get that he may worry what people think, but I didnt see it this way, there was no problem but I was upset he was implying that I was making him out to be the bad one (that is how it felt)
He begged me to have sex I didnt want to we had been arguing, but I agreed, but it was unfeeling from him and I felt very used and upset after, why does he make me do it when I dont want to, why do I feel oblidged?
He got angry with me when we discussed something, his ideas are sometimes conspiracy, he does not believe in medicine, alternative medicine maybe and I am open minded to most things. the science behind what I was saying is fact but he would not have it and he got angry and wouldnt listen to me when i explained.
I am really confused as one minute things are ok and he is nice, the very next its weird and I dont know what is going on. I admit I am moody and up and down, and I genuinely have reasons for this, but I also do say sorry and we laugh sometimes about it (sometimes I think he is happy to joke about it with me as im admitting fault and he then can say later that we joked about it and I am that way he has proof)
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I have asked for financial help for kids for a few essential things and was asked what he will get in return? Do all men do this?
Am I over sensitive in feeling fed up with this attitude , it’s a joke right or wrong?
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Sounds like he’s deflecting – so he’s king of the castle, he’s unloving, he’s moody etc but saying you are, which in turn is damaging your confidence and he’s hoping will stop you asserting your opinion or boundaries as you don’t want to be seen as bossy or difficult etc.
Remember it’s all about control, so when you’re upset (rightly so) he does the opposite and acts nice, if he wants sex and you refuse, you’re the bad guy, if you get up early he wants to lie in but if he gets up early you’re not allowed to sleep longer than him, etc he always he has to be the victim. It’s not normal to have to ask/beg for money for the kids no. They keep us in this perpetual state of confusion and worry to aid their wants.
interestingly my ex also disagreed with medicine and would research herbal or alternative methods, all whilst putting god knows what drugs and alcohol in his body. It’s like they even know better than doctors!
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Oh my goodness my ex was against all pharmaceuticals too, I could understand the concept, but feel he went too far at times as would be insensitive around topics where loved ones were very ill and needed intervention where it was too late for herbals. He really hurt me with stupid comments around that, he had no filter. He was suspicious of almost everyone and everything, it was pretty miserable.
I agree it sounds like any way he can reverse the state of play and have you in that corner as the perpetrator he will employ. And when he wants something from you will expect you to be on the same page already, which you never will be. It’s all about their world and you just get swallowed up.
Xxxxx
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