Why does he do this to me

[Anonymous]

So I rang my ex after I cut contact with him as he sent me an email a few days back. I ring him and then he tells me he is dealing drugs and he only has revenge in him and doesn’t care anymore. I mean why send me an email saying he loves me then say he’s dealing and says he’s got to go when I ring him. I rang him again and he didn’t pick up. I only ever wanted the best for him and it’s hurting me so much I don’t get what I did so wrong to deserve all this pain. I don’t want to believe he is dealing for some reason I’m telling myself it is a lie. I don’t know the truth anymore I am so afraid for myself and don’t know how to move forward from this. I feel like my head is a mess.

[starryeyed]

Hey Anonymous. You didn’t do anything wrong and you don’t deserve this pain. Maybe his dealing is a lie and maybe it isn’t – like you say, why would he tell you he loves you and then tell you this and ‘only has revenge in him’. That sounds frightening and intimidating. I think he is trying to confuse you and hurt you by the sounds of it, it sounds so confusing so no wonder you feel like your head is in a mess.

I hear where you are coming from by saying you don’t know the truth anymore. I feel that way about my ex/partner, I can go round in circles wondering what the reality of the situation is and get absolutely no answer.

Could you change your email address or block him on there? And could you block his phone number? You can go back to having no contact whenever you want.

I think maybe continuing contact will just make you feel even worse x*x

[Anonymous]

Yes I am going to block him on my email. He does not have my contact number. It’s just all so condeidicting. Every time I speak to him he hurts me more so I think it’s benefical for me to let go now.
It’s just so difficult to do.
Thankyou so much x

[KIP.]

He does this because he gets a huge kick out of your distress. Abusers thrive on bringing people down. He will be enjoying your contact, making himself feel big by putting you down. Keep working on no contact. You deserve better x

[freedomtochoose]

HEllo anon,
Just wanted to reach out to you lovely.
Remember all those things you can do to help yourself.
Getting enough rest, having something nice to eat, buying yourself some bath oil, having your hair done and chatting to your hairdresser, cleaning the kitchen, making bread, reading a novel, chatting to the postperson/the milkperson, the person in the local shop. Yoga? fitness class. pilates, getting your eyebrows done?
These and all the other supposedly small things are the ordinary magic of recovery lovely,
Well done if you are managing any of these things
Well done
all best
ftc
x

[Anonymous]

Well I have got back with him and feel slightly all over the place unsure of my relationship. Just because I feel I am having to make the effort as for going out paying for our meal I feel he should be treating me after everything. God knows it’s like I am losing myself again.thankyou though I will try to take your advice x

[Author]

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