why does it hurt?

[itmustbemesurely]

My abusive ex left (detail removed by moderator) and it’s been a roller coaster since, I’ve posted about it several times, threats of suicide horrendous abusive messages, controlling behaviour – all text book stuff. It stopped as he is now in love with someone else, feels like has just left and forgotten the last (detail removed by moderator) years, barely sees his children and is threatening and controlling still – I am not allowed to call, text or imessage I just have to email if its about the children or the house, he has just walked away from and got away with the most horrendous behaviour and I am left to pick up the pieces, he has called me a c**p mother and threatened me that he will loose me my job. He put me through hell for years, and I am reeling between being angry, being like a rabbit in the headlights and really sad. it seems like he is living a grand life doing all sorts of lovely things, holidays, festivals, nights out, whilst I am dealing with teh financial mess he left us in and a very emotional child who is suffering with depression – it just doesn’t seem fair….sorry I know it was the right decision to end the relationship so why do I feel like this??

[Poodlepower]

You’re right, it isn’t fair. But there’s nothing you can do about it…don’t focus on how he’s “walked away” while you struggle. It’s injust but please don’t waste your precious time and energy on him. He’s had enough from you.
You’re free of him! Yes, life can be hard but you’ll be ok. X*x

[lover of no contact]

This is normal to feel as you do. Our abusers literally get away with murder (and sometimes even do). We are always left sorting out the messes they have made. I am left with a huge financial loss and I gave all my savings, hard work over decades etc and I will have lost it all. But with time I have had the odd financial miracle which is helping me build my life back up financially. My children have been badly affected by being reared in an abusive home but slowly they are healing too as I heal and become stronger( once I stay away from abusers).

My ex too has always treated himself while I scrimped and saved. And he still does. So I know the frustration of hearing of his latest travel abroad (I hear that regularly too). But I am learning to be good to myself too. Nature is free so I treat myself to a daily walk with the beautiful colours of the flowers, trees, the sky and wild-life. Or a walk by the sea. I’m starting to try to be grateful for the little things also, inexpensive treats and the wonders of life (impossible to do when being abused). Obviously like you his behaviour (financial fall-out and affects on my children ) still impact me, but I’m slowly (one day at a time) trying to live my life to the full as my REVENGE on him. Lol.

[lover of no contact]

If its any consolation I wonder how much he even enjoys his festivals, holidays and nights out as he never gets a break from his nasty self. His mind will still be consumed with ways to get one up on others, put others down (so he can feel good about himself) , manipulating, grooming , abusing etc. He might sensory-wise enjoy the weather, the food, the alcohol, the break but he will not have the peaceful feelings we are capable of having as he will always be scheming or plotting to take someone down. His only joy will be that he has spent the money on himself.

My consolation is my abuser is left with his nasty, self-serving self 24/7. At least I could get away from him. He’s stuck with himself until eventually his consequences may catch up with him and he will probably self-destruct. Karma will catch up with him I’m sue at some stage although at this stage there’s no sign of it.

[itmustbemesurely]

I know he is love bombing this new woman, who is almost half his age so no ties and a good job so he can enjoy the freedom whilst bowling her over, saying what an awful women that I threw him out when he was at his lowest because of the money issues….he is vile, a n********t but I can’t help almost being jealous, odd I know but I want to do fun exciting things too and don’t want to be bitter. I have lots of really wonderful friends but I don’t to be lonely, which is what I feel, that and angry both for feeling like this and with him for just being able to walk away and have a life, when I feel like I don’t, very little money to do things and very little free time, he hardly sees the children. I know without a doubt that I am better off without him but what if I am stuck on my own bitter and miserable…just feel low I guess x*x

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