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    • #15912

      Hi everyone,
      I hope everyone have good bank holiday weekend.
      I ask my self what do I want after this. I’m survivor, no longer a victim. Now that I have to go to court to get what is my right as human being. what about him? Didn’t he do what ever he did (abused me mentally) because he need to do it? He doesn’t love me. That’s why what ever he did is hurting me who desperately wanted his love. For him our relaTionship is just a game. And it was my fault fallen into his game. I feel I am pathetic as a women who been abused but until now I still can not blame him. I still blaming my self.

    • #15920
      lover of no contact

      You’re right it was just a game to them. But how could we have known. My abuser acted like prince Charming, how could I have known he was ‘the devil incarnate’. I was open, honest and loving. I didn’t know he had ulterior motives. He was a good actor, he knew how to charm and to manipulate. I wasn’t like him or operate like him. I didn’t know I was being deceived. He was good at ‘his game’.

      But I know now. I’ve learnt the hard way and I did survive. Many do not.

      I’m only one of a long list of casualties affected by the abuser. Everyone they touch is abused. They only don’t abuse if they want to use the person. They don’t know how to love. How could I have known he was an addict. Addicted to Power and Control. I didn’t know he needed ‘to hurt me’ or put another person down to get his ‘high’. His high of power and control. I was just his ‘drug’.

      How could I have known? My parents didn’t tell me. My school didn’t teach me. My friends didn’t know (noticed a few red flags but being ‘good’ people themselves, let it go). No I was trapped and well and truly hooked before I realized I was in an abusive relationship. But I don’t blame myself anymore. I pat myself on the back for getting out, eventually, after a long time, with a lot of support from Women’s Aid and a Forum like this one.

    • #15921

      But how do you get over the grief, pain & loneliness? I feel so desperately sad still, my ex was horrible to me and i wanted rid of him, but two months on i feel longing, sadness and a yearning for the relationship. Its awful and will make me think twice about having another relationship. Probably this weekend is bad as i know what he is doing. Sorry for moaning, i feel so down.

    • #15924

      Thank you ladies,
      I moved out, isn’t that what he wanted? I’m here lonely while he has new girl friend which he can lie too bcause they lives thousands miles apart. He will enjoy her companion, as finally he find someone who he can lie too. May be next time he will marry him and have child with her things that I was wanting so badly when I was with him, and he is been using it to abused me ( from his view he just don’t want to have anything with me). One lady said to me I’m abusing my self by thinking of it, but how I can stop thinking of it as that is reality? I’m exhausted, I’m so lost!

    • #15930
      lover of no contact

      The longing, sadness and yearning for a relationship either with them or someone else kind, is just part of the healing from abuse. The only way out is through (those feelings). The relationship leaves a void. But although the void feels empty, it is ok. The void is ok. It is a place of resting, of recuperating. The void can be a creative phase. It is a place of healing. My feelings of longing, sadness and yearning of a relationship have been triggered a lot in the last year. I have longer periods now without feeling them. But I’m sure its only natural that on a long bank holiday weekend, they will have the space and time to come up.

      But like all feelings that are given their due, they will pass and become less with time.

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