Why is being patient with myself so difficult?

[Balor]

I joined the forum today. I left my abusive marriage over (timeframe removed by Moderator) ago. I’ve recently been triggered through my work ( it’s a traumatic and difficult job ) and it feels like all the old trauma and new trauma have hit me at once. I am seeking help in all the right places but am really struggling with being kind to myself and being patient on this healing journey. I am working hard and doing so many things to help and feel now my progress has stopped. I wonder if I’m so busy trying to heal that I’m not actually healing and I’m just ticking boxes or completing the things that are asked of me and seem the right thing to do. I would love any advice on how to perhaps slow down and be kind to myself please.

[Eyeswideopen]

I also beat myself up by having not gotten over it all yet, and still allowing him to trigger me even if he’s nothing to do with it, just worrying he may find out something and see it as a reason to still hurt me (sadly we still have some contact due to kids).

It helps me then to think all I’ve already accomplished, how much I’ve grown and endured while the separation was happening, and try be kind to myself, and proud to be at the stage I’m in, even if not perfect yet. Who is perfect anyway? I find peace when I think I’m really doing the best I can, and that’s all anyone can do xx

[Balor]

Thank you so much Eyeswideopen for your comments and kind words. You are right and I think that is a great way of looking at it to find the positives and accomplishments that we have managed on our own. You are also correct in your comment about ‘not getting over it yet’. I didn’t even realise how much I was doing that and blaming myself for not getting over it quicker. I guess it hindsight it’s perhaps some of the residual instincts of having to be perfect all the time and having to be at my best all the time to try and keep him happy.
I am sorry that you still have to have contact with him, I can’t begin to imagine how difficult that must be at times. I sense your strength in your words. You are right no one is perfect and we are doing the best we can xx

[Author]

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