Why is it getting harder and not easier?

[Evolvingmind]

Leaving an emotionally abusive and manipulative relationship definitely wasn’t easy, but after I left I was so proud of myself, yes I was still scared about what was going to happen next, but I got up and I got on with life. Everyone was telling me how much happier I seemed now, and I agreed, I was happier. For nearly the first (detail removed by Moderator) I felt like everything was going to be ok, I wasn’t crying, I had a sense of relief and was trying to figure out my next steps in life. Near the end of the (detail removed by Moderator) which was a couple days ago, I felt something in me change, I try as best I can to keep myself busy throughout the day, Painting, reading, binge watching tv shows, visiting friends and family, I would feel ok, but as night came, I just couldn’t sleep, It feels like I’ve tried everything. I just can’t stop my mind playing things back or overthinking. These past couple have days have been the toughest. As busy as I keep myself I just fall into floods of tears at everything and it’s so confusing because I don’t know why I’m upset. I feel sad, angry, confused, but I don’t know why specifically. I’m just really struggling at the moment, I’m trying to be ok, I don’t want people close to me to worry, I’m not yet ready to fully open up to them about what happened in my relationship. I just thought that once I left, things would get better, easier, but right now things just seem impossible.

[Twisted Sister]

Hi Evolvingmind

I think you’d find a lot of have experienced very similar and I am sorry this so hard and painful.

You just feel free to begin with and it’s great, a rush of energy and busy busy,but then, once the adrenalin subsides, and you start to settle all the thoughts surface, and the trauma you’ve suffered won’t just go away like we’d absolutely love it to. Time to heal, take good of yourself, and find out how best to look after you, you may find counselling will help at this point, but only someone who understands truama and abuse fully.

Do keep reading and posting, you’ll find lots of other women’s stories and experiences will resonate with you and this can help you to realise you are going through a normal process to heal from abnormal treatment

Warmest wishes

TS

[Strongenough]

I can relate to what you are experiencing. It was months after I fled that I started to unravel. Its good to hear you have family and friend support but like TS says, professional support may be what you need to process your emotions and thoughts. Your GP or local Women’s Aid would be a good place to start.

If you read through posts on this forum you will see the healing process is a made up of highs and lows. I have been away from my abuser for a while, yet recently hit a bad few weeks. This forum helps me through, knowing there are others out there who understand. I hope it provides you with the same comfort.

Sending Stength ❤️

[Eyesopening]

Hey,
Totally relate to this, I always thought life would just be amazing after I left, I couldnt wait.
The reality is totally different, I like the analogy of waves, sometimes you will have calm waters, then a storm will come through and you’ll be going through a tough time again. Then calm. Then another storm, though with each storm, the water gets camer for longer, the storms get shorter and less intense. (you still may get a bad storm now and again)
I have found proffesional help completley essential. I had therapy from my local DA services, then from another NHS service and now I am with another service. Check what is available in your area and sign up soon as I waited around 8 months for this current service. Friends and family support is so important. But I feel you need that little bit extra help to get through and to understand, and to equipt yourself with skills to help you. Becuase its a rogh road to heal..
Also recovery is like cycles, the good to the bad, just like the relationship was.
xx

[KillingMeSlowly]

I’m in a similar place.

What Twisted Sister said is exactly what I’m going through…

I got us out and I was so relieved and living in the moment while having to deal with so many organisations… I was running on adrenaline and on a high.

Now, I’m just reaching the part where all the good memories try to dominate. The past 3 days have been hell… literally tortured by my own brain wanting to remember the good parts and play them back as a series of uninvited sideshows and movie clips.

To try to help deal with this I’ve been reading Melanie Brown’s account of the abuse she experienced, which she details in her book Brutally Honest. I’ve also been journalling… reminding myself of all the bad bits and committing some of them to paper, which is quite cathartic.

I’m also waiting for therapy and being assessed for IAPT intervention. I think some professional help could be really useful right now. There is a lot of traum to process and I think it is hard to do this totally on your own.

[Eyesopening]

Hey, is Melanie Brown’s book good? I mean my ex was not physiclal and when I hear about physical abuse or something that to me sounds more tangible and ‘worse’ then what I went through, It makes me minimise what I went through x

[Stuck in The mud]

Same for me , all the emotions we hid came out I put on a strong act during the abuse and after he’d gone I was so happy but kept that way for a while , gradually walks coming down and relaxing the past can be visited .I hadn’t dealt with it then , I hadn’t grieved for people that had died either as was so intent on being strong and not showing weakness. It’s a rollercoaster , your heads always full but I try to sieve through the thoughts deal with one at a time and don’t go over and over the same incidents. You realise how vile and pathetic these people really are and how special you actually are which they didn’t ever want you to know x

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