Why now after so many years

[Redbull]

I have left my abuser years ago and I’m only just starting to get flash backs and nightmares it started because my neighbor start arguing and thrown thing, I start having dreams about what I went through I now can’t sit without figeting or stay in a room when a man raises his voice I brake down the Dr thinks it’s PTSD and I am struggling to work out why now and not when I left is this normal

[Lisa]

Hi Redbull

Thank you for your post and welcome to the forum. I hope you find the forum a supportive place to be.

It is normal to feel like this, you have been through a lot, and it can affect everyone in different ways, even years after so please know that you are not alone in feeling like this. I hope you have some support in place.

If you feel like you are in need of some additional support, you could chat to a Women’s Aid worker in confidence via our Live Chat service (open 10am-6pmevery day). They won’t tell you what to do, but can discuss your situation and signpost you to other support that’s relevant for you. You can access the chatservice here:
https://chat.womensaid.org.uk/

Do keep posting to let us know how you’re getting on.

Best wishes,

Lisa

[Eggshells]

Hi Redbull

You have been out and feeling safe for a while now.

Whilst we’re in an abusive relationship we are on constant alert. Our shields are always raised. It’s how we survive.

When you’re out for a while, you gradually drop your guard. That means you can’t protect yourself from triggers in the same way you used to. It doesn’t bounce off you anymore.

I’m a genuine believer that the brain measures our defences carefully and it doesn’t let you process this stuff until it feels safe to do so.

Working through it can be quite traumatic but maybe your brain feels that you are safe enough now to work through it with professional help. xx

[LookToTheLight]

I left in (detail removed by Moderator), even after his death I did not suffer the trauma brought on this year from dealing with his abuse. The strangest & smallest things can trigger those feelings & you remember things you would rather keep boxed & hidden but that’s ok it is normal because we have survived the worst that he can do now we have to find ourselves again & I am finding that it has helped me face my future with less trepidation in dealing with men in general; counselling has been a great help as I am not judged & can say what I feel without recrimination or fear. I know now that I will always carry that trauma with me & it may appear at times but I feel more confident in the future that I can build for me. Keep strong sweetie You can do this & You are a survivor xx

[FlowersAfterFloods]

As another person said, your brain and body will wait until it knows you are safe until it will allow you to process trauma.
It does sound like ptsd, I also suffer from bad dreams and constant flashbacks. I do believe that its normal to have a delayed response. When I left I was indescribably happy, so relieved, it took me a few months to get down from that high of finally being free, for the horrible dreams and flashbacks to start.
You’re not alone and you will get through this.

[Author]

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