- This topic has 6 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 6 years, 3 months ago by Borntobefree.
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5th December 2017 at 11:42 am #50846JanedoeissadParticipant
I’m free and loving life. I answer to no one. Some people are finding this hard to adjust to as I used to be more accommodating. They’ll get used to it though.
I can not believe how scared I was to leave. Why!?!? Probably something he instilled in me which is no longer there as we have no contact.
I think of that poor person I was and I say to her “I told you we would do it in the end”.
I thought about it the other day and I think I was actually trying to leave for years, not months like I first thought.
To those still wanting to leave. Build yourself up, cover every eventuality and use the wisdom on this site to your advantage. The ladies on here are angels and experts in this area. Without them I’d still be back at square one.
So thanks for helping me get my life back ladies. I appreciate it more than you realise. xx
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5th December 2017 at 1:48 pm #50853cupofcoffeeParticipant
Love this post! I too am feeling stronger every day, I am safe, and I found that I am braver and stronger than I thought. Even though leaving was hard, with every passing month I am glad I got away, could not bare the thought of years of being controlled. We can do this! x*x
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5th December 2017 at 5:03 pm #50858BorntobefreeParticipant
Great post hun
I loving my freedom.too no one to put me down and make me feel worthless I had to plan it myself too months but in the end I did it ..
It is very scary time I left with a few bits
It took me a year to find my own home it was a tough time ..but Iam here telling my storyX
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20th December 2017 at 3:49 am #51544FreedomfighterParticipant
Hi Janedoeissad, thanks for this brilliant post. Just what I needed to hear. I’ve been planning and working towards my great escape all year. It’s crunch time now. I’ve plucked up the courage to tell my GP, WA local group and went to see a lawyer for advice this week. I was petrified, but I did it and was so proud of myself. I still have to find out about what financial support I might be eligible for yet. You said you didn’t know why you were so afraid. With me it’s that I won’t qualify for help, I have (medical condition removed by moderator) and can only work part time. My mental health issues are the biggest problem at the moment. Stress at keeping all of this secret and worrying something will go wrong and Il be stuck here. I’m determined to keep plodding forward but have had to slow down so that I can hold it together and build my confidence back up to face these challenges. Your post has helped immensely. Thanks
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20th December 2017 at 2:40 pm #51571JanedoeissadParticipant
Freedomfighter (excellent name by the way!!)
The feeling of “I will be stuck here forever” went through my head many, many times. I went back to Women’s Aid for a pep talk numerous times. Each time something new threw me, I’d come on here or go to WA and would get myself back on the right path.
I found that repeating certain mantras kept me going. Like, “I am GOING to be free” or “this stress will be worth it, I promise”, “think of yourself, do not think about him”, etc. The ladies on here will give some good mantras. Many of mine started with inspiration from them.
Also, telling myself what I would do when I left really kept me focused. I chose specific things that I really missed like spending time with relatives, seeing my nieces and nephews whenever I liked, etc. So I really had a good reason to keep going when times were tough.
My stress levels were so high when I left I thought it would kill me but 90% of it left when I was gone and safe.
My ex has not really bothered me at all. No obvious signs of him trying to get me back. So my life has been 100% easier ever since. However, I had planned for the eventuality that he would try and get me back or find me. Plan for as many eventualities as you can think of. I find I am less stressed if I have a plan for all the “what ifs” going on in my head.
Please keep posting (or private message me if you wish) and use the help and wisdom of the ladies on here. You have got this, you can do it and I know you will be free and happy soon. 🙂
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20th December 2017 at 2:42 pm #51572JanedoeissadParticipant
Sorry, just noticed your responses borntobefree and cupofcoffee! I am glad you liked my post. I still love my new free life, its the best!! 🙂
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20th December 2017 at 3:59 pm #51576BorntobefreeParticipant
When I moved in with my ex
I can see now it was all a trap .I was away from.family etc .. even when I got a job he tried to sabatage me from.working ..i question myself how stupid I was to stay in the abusive relationship… it was love fraud he just used me that’s the hardest part to accept… he was the tinman out the wizard of oz .no heart
When I did leave ..i was in a hot mess suicidal etc .. but I made it I hear love my freedom
Even though I do get lonely..but rather be this way ….i have my own home and I do as I please now …freedom
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