Why won’t it stop? PTSD flashbacks

[Shaishai]

I’ve recently been diagnosed with PTSD from my abusive relationship which ended a decade or 2 ago. I’ve been working through it in therapy which helped in some ways. Right now I have the desire to end it all (I won’t) and I hate feeling like this. I’ve tried asking for help in all the right places before but got nothing. I don’t know where to go for help now. The flashbacks won’t stop and I’m letting my young son down because I’m not there for him as much as he needs me to be. How did you make things better? Has anyone successfully got rid of these feelings?

[Lisa]

Hi Shaishai,

I’m sorry to hear how you are struggling to overcome the trauma of all that you went through many years ago. Know that we all need to go through our journey and it takes time – there is no ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ way of healing or a time limit on this.

You say you have found therapy helpful which is great to know. You also mention you feel have approached all the relevant services for help and now do not know where else to go.

Have you tried The Freedom Programme? It is an 11 or 12 week rolling programme which provides information about male violence to women. This programme identifies the tactics abusers use, the beliefs held by abusers, and the effects that domestic abuse can have on women and children. The Freedom Programme is for women who have experience of domestic abuse, be it in their personal or professional lives. You can start the programme at any time, and you can attend as many or as few sessions as you choose. Each session is entirely confidential, and you can contribute as much, or as little, of your own thoughts and experiences as you like. Many women find this a very useful support group as it is available to women whether they are experiencing current or past abuse. The Freedom Programme is run in many locations across the UK.

Or perhaps you could try calling Supportline who offer confidential emotional support to reach people before they get to “crisis” point. They offer support by telephone, email and post. They work with callers to develop healthy, positive coping strategies, an inner feeling of strength and increased self-esteem to encourage healing, recovery and moving forward with life. They also keep details of counsellors, agencies and support groups throughout the UK. They cover a wide range of issues, including domestic abuse. They can also refer locally. You can contact them on 01708 765200 or visit their website at http://www.supportline.org.uk.

You may want to try to get in touch with a local domestic abuse service to give you some further support and a chance to speak to other women who have been through similar situations to yourself.

I hope you find these services helpful in some way, if you haven’t already engaged with them. Just know the feelings you are going through are ‘normal’ and a part of processing all that you have been through.

I hope you can keep posting here and find it a safe and supportive place to be. Many women will be able to relate to what you are going through.

Take care,

Lisa

[Anonymous]

Hi shaisshai, I’d like to say that everything goes away and you end up perfectly as you were before but we’ve been seriously damaged and our brain and system (in its weird way) keeps reminding us to protect us and keep us safe so what we’ve experienced ‘never’ happens again (but it’s gone into overdrive) I learned something a few months ago when ptsd uk got in touch with me that ptsd is actually a brain injury/damage so it makes perspective sense how we end up, maybe speak to your gp (if you feel you can confide) see what they can offer, it gets easier (to an extent) but it never really goes it just eases a bit, we’re left with memories (I still get random nightmares) and triggers but they do lesson in time, in the meantime take care of yourself
🧡💛❤️

[Shaishai]

Thank you for your reply. My GP hasn’t really been very helpful. They took (detail removed by moderator) to do me an urgent prescription. I feel let down by every resource I have tried with the exception of my current therapist. Unfortunately he is off with covid so I haven’t had any therapy for (detail removed by moderator). I only have a couple of sessions left and I’m panicking about that. I don’t know where to turn to stop my suicidal thoughts. I had a flashback at work today. Luckily I don’t scream or cry out during them so nobody noticed. I’m just so tired of it all.

[Anonymous]

Try and stay in the present shaishai, deep breaths through the nostrils (it’s a way to activate the parasympathetic nervous system) drs never offer this advise but a diet change (sounds a weird one 1 know)try avoiding foods that can make you hyper (maybe some calming herbal teas) here’s another weird one , someone jogged passed me too close from the back a few months ago (set me off in a panic) so I randomly stated chewing (see in the wild when animals gazelles and deers are chewing they’re calm and not feeling under threat) so maybe have something to chew (gum or whatever) but we’re all this, there’s times I wonder if it’s best to be done with everything, but I’m not 🌈☀️🌈

[Hazydayz]

☀️Auriel, you bring sunshine and soothing to the troubled, bless you. Your words bring warmth and hope 🌞 and your sharing of info, it’s insightful if not, eye opening😳 I didn’t know PTSD was classed as a brain injury?🧠/damage, yes I can relate to the damage part that makes perfect sense to me too! And anyone else here suffering the affects of PTSD and or abuse! I don’t doubt! I guess suffering both will trigger stuff won’t it, until, we seek help, make take small steps towards big changes then hopefully, life moves us forward towards hope of some freedom.
🌈🌄🏞️🚙🚲. & Happy Days!
From…Hazydayz🙂☀️🏡🌻.

[Anonymous]

Thankyou hazy when there’s no one to help us we just have to be the ones to help us isn’t it? it’s all we can really do and just stay firm or we’ll go under! (And I’m not ready to do that cos of other people’s sick psychopathic actions and behaviours)🤗🌟⭐️🌟

[Hazydayz]

🙂Tankyou again Auriel💐 and WOW!😃Your a powerhouse of useful resources and information. I’m sitting here breathing in and out through my nose😚 whilst chewing gum, (interestingly, I’m always chewing gum) so that’s good to know it’s working to calm my nerves too along with the benefits of the herbal tea at my side now☕ Yes it’s all we can do, and I’m with you!🏊 Not going under! But swimming through it all right now. Take care and hug to you too🤗☀️🌟

[Anonymous]

💋 🤗

[Eggshells]

Hi Shaishai

I’m so sorry to hear how you are struggling with this. It sounds really horrible.

Some therapies work better than others. Talk therapy has been shown to be ineffective for PTSD – infact it can actually be very triggering.

EMDR was much more effective for me. In my region, it was free and delivered by (detail removed by moderator).

Many regions provide similar self referral schemes for various types of counselling. It might be worth asking your GP.

[Hazydayz]

Hello Eggshells, it’s heartwarming to see the kindness and compassion that shines out of people here towards others. I read what you wrote here. I’m saying thankyou to you💐 you without knowing, have made somthing so crystal clear to me with the information you supplied here. I always thought talking therapy was a form of helpful and repairing therapy? A form of councelling? For past or lasting trauma, for PTSD? But now it makes sense, it resonates with me, what you said…talk therapy has been shown to be inaffective for PTSD and actually can trigger trauma. I had 10 sessions of talk therapy at the very beginning of the pandemic episode, designed to help me I thought? The PTSD issues, might get sorted I hoped! By week 8 I hadn’t even scratched the surface! I talked and talked to a lovely lady councillor for an hour on the phone each week, about everything other than what happened! The fact that the world was in shock suddenly back then, probably didn’t help me make sense of anything either, I simply got nowhere. Though I do remember, feeling that it would be too much to cope with trying to unravel myself in the remaining 2 weeks of talking therapy. I only found out at week 8 that I only had 10 sessions, which wasn’t helpful I imagined? Never having had any form of councelling before, I had no knowledge of what was what? And the world and all its people it seemed, was reporting back then, the sudden epidemic proportions of folk who were or would be challenged by mental health issues. So it was accepted that 10 weeks was all anyone was likely to get, if they were the lucky ones? And got some sort of help? I knew that it was sheer luck that I had been through an assessment 6 months earlier that got me that 10 sessions of councelling. Anyhow, I never got to feel better as a result. I spent half my time needing to talk to someone about why I was feeling like I did/do? And the other half of the time …blocking things out. I constantly, asked myself if it was living within this abusive marriage? But knowing it was that on top of the other stuff! I have tried to make sense of it all? on my own or coming here to try and reckon with it all? Boring people I feared. Anyway, I’m from next week due to start councelling again, organised by my meltdown moment on the phone to my doctor, the day bey I hit my (detail removed by moderator). My nemesis moment, came as I reached that imminent marker of the age that traditionally heralds the winding down years. It was flagging up, My marking of the (detail removed by moderator) that had gone but had not! They had simply served to remind me, each decade in turn that followed, of time passing from that unforgettable incident that became/incidents, that marked my very early life, and that can’t be forgotten and followed me to this day. I’ve almost resided myself to the fact…I’ve lived my life almost, with all the lasting and collective damage that has accumulated over the years, believing that at some point I made my life feel worse? I’m an expert at blaming myself! Something of a legacy I’m afraid to say from that first tragic incident. I carry the guilt to this day you see. So, getting back to next week’s councelling? I was hopeful of a turn around after all these years, but? I was led to believe I had a choice of talking therapy councelling? Or CBT therapy?for the PTSD. Now I’m thinking… would it be what you mentioned, EMDR? that is required for PTSD. I don’t actually know what EMDR is? It’s not been mentioned to me by the proffesionals? If it’s free in some areas? Would it be more beneficial? Could you explain? Why it was better for you please? I don’t understand? Why my GP would not have mentioned the possibility of this therapy? And so to end here. I’m so sorry it’s been another long addition of mine. Honestly, I can talk! I know that. And I want to just end with say …I know so many here including yourself have so much that has hurt their lives and I am so sorry about that. I often fear I’m sounding like it’s all about me, I don’t wish that to be how people see me. Take care everyone💞

[calendula]

My experience with this is the more i try and get help the more i get treated like a crazy person and the worse i feel ….my flashbacks were referred to as ‘psychosis and delusions’ just (detail removed by moderator) by a health worker i had really felt understood a bit….now since talking to mental health team she calls me psychotic and delusional….i think it’s disgusting to be treated this way basically they are helping my abusers to abuse and gaslight me by saying its delusions…at the end of the day we are just a job and an income for the majority of these people and as they haven’t experienced what we have they cannot comprehend it….they often even talk to me in that funny voice most people use to talk to children or people who speak a different language

[Hazydayz]

Hi Calendula, hope your ok? It’s unbelievably wrong! I’m so sorry for you reading what you wrote of your negative, help? and so angered, reading about what your experienceing now, from those people, you should be able to believe in to help you. It’s just unbelievable! that you should be expected to accept their comments and the unjust treatment, from as you say… Proffesionals? Who’s opinions count! Those offending people, who have no personal experience themselves, so can’t possibly or won’t/ don’t understand what you have been through and what your going through. Still! I feel for you, I really do💗 and, I’m in fear for me now, of those proffesionals opinions that will be formed of me in turn, as I now am about to get help? embark on my PTSD treatment? remedies? Take care of yourself Calendula, I wish you well. 💞

[Hazydayz]

Shaishai hello, I’m so sorry to read how your feeling, it’s so sad. PTSD, it has a hold on my life too, the flashbacks keep coming back for me too, for so long it has been! The whole of my life almost! But, never give up! There’s hope where there’s life, and I believe that. In fact after (detail removed by moderator), I’m just about to embark on proffesional treatment? remedies? Get help hopefully? I just want to show you your not alone. Your not alone, you have your son! A little boy, I’m certain you love❤️ more than life itself, and never forget, because of the love you can and do show him I’m sure! By your mentioning.. he needs you, yes, he really does! A gentle embrace, a loving cuddle, together you can survive this. A simple loving act will be your greatest saving right now and always remember. The mother/child love you share can strengthen you both against all the troubles that life can bring. Teach him this now and in return you’ll always have the love of your much loved son to sooth and bless your life and your recovery. He’s your hope, your future remember 💗❤️💗💙💗lots of love and hope for you both💞 take care always. Hazydayz 💕

[Eggshells]

@Shaishai You are right. You shouldn’t be treated this way. I’m not sure who is saying these things to you. Have you asked why they are saying you have psychosis? What symptoms have they observed? As far as I’m aware psychosis is hallucinating (visual and/or auditory). The hallucinations look and sound real like they’re outside of your head. For me, flashbacks might take my whole attention and be in full technicolour but it’s more like watching a TV (in my head). Many counties have self referral schemes for a range of counselling. If you Google “Mental Health Services NHS” and click on the resulting link, it will explain IAPT to you.

@Hazydayz I’m so sorry to hear how you are struggling and I’m flabbergasted that people are still being referred for the wrong type of counselling. I was also given talk therapy at the start of the first lockdown. I was considered as an urgent case and they queue jumped me because my symptoms were so severe. After the 4th session, we had to stop because it re-traumatised me so badly that I walked around for days in a state of shock. I felt exactly as I did after the first rape. It took me more than a year to recover myself enough to request more counselling. This time I asked for EMDR explaining what had happened with talk therapy and EMDR is what they gave me.

Before you start the actual therapy, they teach you to go to a safe place. This takes a couple of sessions and it is vital because the EMDR therapy itself exposes you to very difficult memories.

Basically, they take you back and you re-live the most traumatic parts of your abuse. You don’t have to talk about it, you just go over and over and over it in your head. The therapist needs to see your eyes and using your eye movements they interject at appropriate times. As you go over and over the memories, they become harder and harder to visualise until they become so intangible they all but disappear. It may also bring back things you had forgotten such as the look on his face whilst he’s abusing you. It is a difficult process to go through but at the end of each session, the therapist takes you back to your safe place.

It didn’t completely erase my memories. I locked up when I realised the memories were fading because I still have an idea that I’d like to report him at some point. It did make the memories less debilitating for me though. I literally felt lighter in myself, as though I’d been humping a great, heavy emotional rucksac around with me. The flashbacks stopped and just became like normal but vague memories and I have had only 1 nightmare about him in the last year rather than 2 or 3 a week.

Once I’ve finally reported him – or finally let go of the idea of reporting him, I’ll go back for more EMDR and shake the memories completely.

Talk therapy definitely has it’s place in helping you to understand your experiences and how they have affected you but it’s not really helpful in treating PTSD.

[Hazydayz]

Thankyou Eggshells💐 and for your explanations. They were very helpful to me. I’m not sure that I would qualify for EMDR therapy though? As my PTSD wasn’t caused by rape or sexual abuse. It was caused by (detail removed by moderator) traumatisation when I was (detail removed by moderator) years old. I recognise though, that the trauma you must have experienced would have been horrendous! And all that followed! I’m so sorry! And to read now what you have had to endure, but I’m glad to read also that at long last, you have had the right help and therapy to help you. I recall reading a reply to me from you a long time ago, when I joined here, 3 years ago now, where you mentioned rape and having to cope with the affects of the trauma. I didn’t underestimate then what you must have been dealing with and so glad to read you were pushed up the list at the start of the pandemic. Yes, the pandemic situation probably made people realise how seriously help was needed for peoples mental health, didn’t it. I guess I’ll have to trust that the appropriate therapy is offered to me now and hope it covers everything? That’s the trouble isn’t it sorting everything! I do hope now your getting more rested sleep now? I presume? You will as the nightmares deplete and that your feeling the benefit everyday of that huge weight you carried with you, subsiding. I don’t sleep well and am having trouble now with my memory recall, but not the distant stuff. I hope your memories will serve you well now with whatever course of action you decide on? But I do hope you have some happy memories you can enjoy that bring you comfort. Best wishes to you Eggshells and good luck to you🌈

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