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    • #132401
      Plodding
      Participant

      Basically I want to understand why I can’t see there was anything going on for a few years (detail removed by moderator) prior to the this I now see the first (detail removed by moderator) years there was abuse then it seemed to stop. Why does this happen and then I can see it started again a few years after ? Does anyone else relate to this ? Why would men have a break so to speak ? Is it when they are content for some reason ? Then something triggers them again ? I really can’t see there were any issues really in between
      Thanks

    • #132405
      nbumblebee
      Participant

      Could this maybe a memory issue? We often bury memories that are too hard for us to admit too. Maybe subconsiously you have burried some deep within? I know now ive started all this how I am remembering things in a totally different way.
      Quick example when my hubby and i were first going out i lived with (detail removed by moderator) malw flat mates. Hubby would always stay over as much as he could one day he came home to me and packed all my stuff told me i was moving in with him. We hadnt even discussed it. I believed he was looking after me (detail removed by moderator). I used to remember how he reascued me. Now i see it he didnt ask disnt chwck with me he just packed all my stuff in one night bang thats it no talking no asking nothing. I see now thats not right he didnt like me not being with him he worried that i was sleeping around. See what i mean? Could you maybe believe that those years were quiet abuse free but in reality they werent you are just maybe not seeing those events for whatever reason? Im rubbish at all this but its just my thoughts.

    • #132406

      I can relate to this and personally believe that sometimes there is a gap as the abuser does feel content and it is only when they reach ‘boiling point’ so to speak that the abuse starts again. On the other hand, I don’t fully believe that everyone is able to feel emotion (why else would they hurt us so freely?) so it is contradicting.

      I know from my experience that sometimes things would be okay and I would genuinely believe that I was safe then out of nowhere it would happen. It was horrendous.

      Sorry I can’t be of more help. I do hope you get the answers you are looking for xx

    • #132414
      Eggshells
      Participant

      This could simply be a very long abuse cycle. A long cycle will create a long calm patch.

      In the early days, it took my ex several years to complete a cycle. It gradually speeded up over the decades until, in my final year he was racing through several cycles a day.

      Thinking about it now, I suspect the long cycles were one of the reasons I didn’t spot the abuse.

    • #132421
      Bananaboat
      Participant

      Long cycle, or maybe there was still abuse but milder than the bad times and as such it didn’t ring the alarm bells. It could also be outside factors like money, substance abuse, cheating, family triggers. Either way it’s hooked you in so don’t forget the bad times

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