will he ever stop?

[Sad sunflower]

Hello everyone,

I’ve been out for a few months now and most of the time I feel OK, not happy, not sad just kinda OK. However, every time he contacts me again it just messes with my head so much! I am sure I don’t love him anymore yet I still have these weird dreams where I call him and beg him to take me back. He contacted me a few weeks ago to say he was depressed and that he wanted to kill himself (I know, textbook abuser, they all are so predictable!) He said that since I’ve been through depression myself I was the only one who could understand and help him. He knew I was going on holiday with my friends so he came to my office the day before I was leaving to tell me all this. At first I felt bad for him as he was visibly upset. But then I remembered all the awful things he used to say to me when I was depressed. I ended up telling him all I could do was suggest a therapist I knew. He said he didn’t want counseling, all he wanted was for me to take him back. He also told me that the day he actually attempted suicide a friend from work helped him and he ended up having sex with her. At first I didn’t care, then I felt a bit upset. Anyway, I went on holiday and had a lovely time. I really needed some time away to process everything. I was feeling OK, even happy at times, but then he contacted me again. First a few emails, then phone calls. I try to be strong and it lasts a few days but I always reply to his emails, mostly trying to make it clear that I don’t want him back. Last weekend he came to my house, begged me to take him back but still refused to acknowledge the abuse! That’s what’s driving me insane. I don’t know if any of you ladies have felt that way. I don’t want flowers, I don’t want gifts, I don’t want him to tell me he loves me, I don’t want him back; all I want is for him to acknowledge what he did to me. He still says we broke up because we needed space. He says that to everyone and it makes me so mad. He even told his family that I left him for one of my coworkers and they believe him! Anyway last time we saw each other I just begged him to leave me alone, told him that I was already seeing someone else and that I had sex with him (which is true) in an attempt to disappoint him and get him to stop contacting me. It just made everything worse. He left but then kept sending emails telling me what a horrible person I was for having sex with someone else (something he also did!), called me horrible names. I just told him to stop contacting me or else I would call the police. He hasn’t contacted me anymore and I am starting to feel better but I know deep in my heart that he will never stop.

I have stopped seeing this other guy mainly because I feel I’m not ready and I also saw some red flags. I am afraid I’ll never be ready for a relationship again

[White Rose]

He’s persistent isn’t he!
It will go on unless you take control and stop it.
Block his email address.
Block his phone number.
Don’t just threaten calling police do it but make sure you’ve spelled it out in simple unambiguous terms you want him to stop making contact before you do.
Tell colleagues at work he’s harassing you and have a plan in place to deal with it when he comes again.
Be consistent don’t get angry just keep saying the same thing and then phone the police and report it on 101, 999 if you feel in danger.
It’s easier to say it than to do it believe me I’ve been there – many times! But it is the right thing to do.
You’re in the right, he’s in the wrong. Believe it.
You can do this and it will eventually get better x*x

[Lisa]

Hi Sadsunflower

Your ex is making it very difficult for you to move on with your life on purpose, and White Rose is right he wont stop contacting you until you make it impossible for him to do so.

If you block him on everything and he still turns up at your house do report him to the police for harassment and you could always look into applying for a non molestation order.

Going no contact is always a really hard thing to do but it is the only way you will truly start to feel free of him.

You can contact the helpline anytime on 0808 2000 247 if you want to discuss your situation and find out more about getting a non molestation order.

Take care and keep posting

Lisa

[Twisted Sister]

Hi Sadsunflower

I think you couldn’t have done more! Just wow,so strong,but yes he’s seen that as reason for more ause. I literally couldn’t have said no outright like that, and its a shame that things went so downhill, but that’s an abuser for you.

Not your fault, the only other thing you can do now is block him every way, and tell the police what you have already done and how its turned out. As you have already done what you needed to.
Turn over your messages to them, it will be self-evident what he’s doing and the should do something about it, but just make sure you are safe and that he can’t get to you. Block all routes of access.

Warmest wishes ts

[Confused123]

Hi Hun

Block him on your phone, block him on email and get police to warn him not to make contact withu, u have to put things in place to protect yourself and heal, otherwise the contact will stop your progress, it does hurt but the no contact helps

[Author]

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