Will I be believed – Lots of Questions

[Loopy2]

Hi.  My Partner is very good at convincing people that he is Mr Wonderful.

Years ago, he manged to convince our Health Visitor that I was suffering with PND which I really wasn’t.  It was part of his big plan to give up work and ‘look after our Son and the house’.  I was loving being at home with our Son but dutifully went back to work.

This is where all my questions come in.  I have many health conditions which mean I am in constant pain and fatigue 24/7 amongst other things.  I am holding on to my job but now working from home.  My Partner is supposed to be my Carer and looking after the house and children but apart from doing the school runs and cooking dinner, he does nothing but play on his phone.  I have now decided that I am so sick of having a messy house, that I am trying to work on one thing every day, which is usually having to wash up from the night before, but I’m trying to push myself and try and do more.  This leaves me in so much more pain and literally floors me but he’s happy to sit and watch.

If I were to try and leave, I know he would say that, as my carer, he has to everything for me so I wouldn’t be able to cope with the children, look after a home, handle finances etc.  I know it would be hard but I have been thinking about how I would cope with this for months now and I think, as a family we could all chip in and do it together.

He is very clever though so how would this come across with other people if he involved solicitors or just took them (which wouldn’t surprise me). (detail removed by moderator)

I am trying to plan everything in my head before I even think about how to leave and get out of my situation but I am petrified that he will use his charm to leave me without my children and home (rented through Housing Association).  He is not violent but our situation is domestic abuse.

I don’t know if I have made sense with all of this?

[Lisa]

Hi Loopy2,

Thank you for your post. I’m sorry to hear about your situation. Abusive men can be very manipulative and charming to the outside world. You have described someone who uses the carer label and to add to his image- but actually makes your life more difficult and has a negative impact on your health. He wants you to think that you wouldn’t be able to cope but this isn’t the case. You having health conditions doesn’t reflect on your ability to be a parent and if you need additional support- it needs to be professional care and support- not a partner who is abusive towards you.

If you are worried about professionals being taken in by him- its important you have support from a local domestic abuse service. They can advocate on your behalf if needed.

Best Wishes

Lisa

[Loopy2]

Thank you Lisa x

[Author]

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