Will I ever move on?

[groovyleopard]

It’s been a few weeks since me and my ex-partner spoke. We were in a relationship for a few years. This is the longest we haven’t spoken or seen each other.

He is very difficult and can never see what he is doing to me. I believe he has some deep routed issues, which constantly gets taken out on me. I have put up with so much with him.

Lately I can only think of the good times. He made me laugh, we went nice places together and at times really got on. All of that is gone now. I find it hard seeing my friends in happy relationships.

I need to keep myself busy 24/7 otherwise, I will lose my mind. I hate being on my own and can’t always rely on my family and friends to be available for me.

I feel like my ex knew me so well, and it scares me to even think about being with someone new. A few friends pressure me to get out there again. I don’t think they understand its hard to want to start a new relationship after a emotionally abusive one.

I know I need to stay strong, but I do feel myself feeling the urge to reach out to him.

[Bananaboat]

I think the change in season has something to do with this as I’m certainly feeling that pull on sunny days, we’d have a bbq or take the kids out. It’s easier in winter to pop tv on and snuggle in for the night. Did he know you or was he mirroring you to hook you in? They can pretend to like same tv shows or food as us so we feel like they are our soulmate. Did he promise holidays / days out and not deliver? I’ve been reminding myself that the bbq’s ended up with him drinking all day & night, the days out with the kids were on his terms/his child got preferential treatment/ended in arguing or with him drinking. Our minds tend to lean towards the good times and you have to keep reminding it why you left. It’s not easy, there are lonely times for sure. A good tip I heard was to break your routine up, even if it’s something small like a walk round the block or driving a different way home after work – it helps x

[Anonymous]

I think you need to look at it this way were they really happy times ? Or moments of happiness? For me I had this issue and I kept thinking back to the bevy maybe the first 2 to 3 months , dating part , even though there were red flags then they were maybe my happier moments with my ex , truthfully after that we had an hour or so of calmness , niceness , but I don’t have any happy days or places etc that I can relate too . Even if it’s a bad relationship you were in , your still grieving for the loss of the relationship, the hope that this is your soulmate and your happily ever after , in reality you need to focus on why it hasn’t worked the bad things that have happened, how he treated you badly etc . We crave the niceness back , the honeymoon phase your forever chasing , that may come for a while , but soon the cracks begin to resurface and before you know it your full cycle again. also in these types of relationships you tend to become co dependant , one cannot function without the other it’s like an addiction that you have to ween yourself off . I would try and go out with friends ,keep busy as you are doing , obviously don’t enter any new relationships, give yourself time to heal , read up on attachment issues , co dependant relationships, trauma bonding & cycles of abuse . What you are experiencing is all very normal and it’s early days , take each day slowly, baby steps and gradually the distance you create from your ex will help you in moving forward xx

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