will it ever stop…

[spiritedaway]

I’ve been no contact since I left last year and I hoped once we had all the finances dealt with he would stop making contact but he hasn’t.  It’s like living with a little monster in the background continually reminding me he still exists and he’s there keeping an eye on me.

He leaves voicemails even though I’ve blocked his number and has started turning up and watching me with friends.  I don’t want him taking up any space in my head anymore, I want that space for me!  To use that energy on moving me forward and healing from all the damage he has caused.

He says he sees I’m happy, I don’t want him to know anything about how I am.

[Lisa]

Hi Spiritedaway,

Thank you for your post. I’m sorry to hear about your situation. Its difficult to have that reminder- to feel like they are still trying to get information about you and your life. This is about power and control- he knows how any contact from him is making you feel. You do deserve to have that space and energy for yourself.

You can access free online courses created by or in partnership with therapists specialising in trauma at Bloom. These courses can be accessed in your own time and at your own pace and cover topics such as trauma, abuse and boundaries.

Best Wishes

Lisa

[Sad and alone]

Could you get a new number completely so he can’t make contact that way? I know it’s not convenient. I don’t understand how he can still leave a voicemail even though his number is blocked. But I’d definitely change my number and then give it only to those that you want to have it.
Sorry you’re having to deal with this. You’ve done the hard part and left and you shouldn’t have to put up with him anymore. It must be very difficult xx

[spiritedaway]

and then when that doesn’t stop him, move out of area, leave the country, change my name?

change it and what for someone to slip up and he gets the new number?

[Bananaboat]

At what point does it trip into stalking and harassment? I don’t know the answer but if he’s popping up while you’re out with friends it might be worth looking in to

[spiritedaway]

yep that can of worms is open and making such slow progress it hardly seems worth it

[Allornothing]

Hi, sadly this is stalking. His behaviour is unwanted and no matter what you do, he will find ways to let you know that he is still there.

I blocked mine and he could still leave voicemails, kept turning up and messaging my daughter and the stalking advocate advised her not to block him as if we took that access away, things could escalate for him to find ways to cause more upset.

Would you be comfortable talking to the police? I know some aren’t but it may be worth a try? Stalking is getting more attention now and (detail removed by Moderator) so I was lucky.

You shouldn’t have to put up with it, I know how it makes you feel. Even with (detail removed by Moderator), mine called me from a new number and just the fact that he heard me say hello really annoyed me as I didn’t even wanting him hearing my voice but yet it was him just letting me know he was still there. Luckily since (detail removed by Moderator) and stayed away. Still roaming on social media, creating new accounts but I just block every time.

I wish you all the best and sending a hug xx

[Author]

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