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    • #116318
      littlebluebowl
      Participant

      Does it ever stop feeling like he has won/ is winning?

      feels like hes always going to have one over on me, always gonna be able to make me feel this way even though we are no longer together. How do I stop feeling like this?

    • #116321
      Same-again
      Participant

      Hi there,

      I’m not there yet either but maybe every time we do something we enjoy – something you wouldn’t have been able to do when you were together smile to yourself and enjoy a moment of gratitude.

      I will try it too. xx

    • #116334
      KIP.
      Participant

      Absolutely zero contact is how you move away from these feelings. That way you know and hear nothing about him. Any contact is toxic to us for a very very long time. Use a third party for all communication and come off all social media. Tell friends and family that you do not wish to hear anything about him unless it’s illegal and needs police involvement.

    • #116355
      fizzylem
      Participant

      This is the position he wants, has to have – fine, give it to him. It’s much better for you when you don’t enter this game at all. I got to a point where I felt thankful for the times he did feel he was winning (in his mind), because it gave me the let up I needed. If he feels like you have the upper hand he’s gunning for you hey, will do anything to regain control – this is much worse. Walk away, don’t buy into it – let him have it – whatever it is he thinks he has.

      Slowly I began to see that I can stand my ground on the things that are important, and I ignored the rest, his BS.

      He will carry on regardless, the trick is to accept this, see that we have no control over how he behaves, that our power lies in understanding this and getting others to step in and deal with him for us x

    • #116358
      Watersprite
      Participant

      Winning at any cost is all that matters to them. They are total losers and they know it really that’s why they abuse to try and cloak themselves in power and control. You are the winner and I’m hoping time makes them less and less powerful and relevant x

    • #116362
      freedomfries01
      Participant

      My mum told me this because I get obsessed about him winning or me losing and sometimes no contact doesn’t stop him doing it through the children. I know he’s making a point with the little un because his eldest hasn’t seen him for years. Anyway….he might see at as a game but it isn’t. If you concentrate on what he thinks he’s always won. Just forget his games because if you dont he’s living inside your head. Instead do the best that you can because your time can be better spent thinking about you and your needs and the children’s. They’re the only ones that matter and they’re the only ones that lose out……..on your time when you’re dwelling on what he thinks!! She tells me all the time, and I’m glad she does because it’s true. I find it really hard not to obsess over what I know his motives ate and it’s hard and I’ve got to consciously stop myself doing it. He’s not worth the torment it causes me. I have to tell myself not to think about what my child is going through when he’s at his dad’s because it affects me so badly. (detail removed by Moderator) social worker thinks hes safe and the police thinks hes safe so I’ve got to trust in our establishment. I cant always do it and the abuse I’m putting up with because of it is unbearable at times but if I dont keep trying whatever game HE’S playing I definitely haven’t won.
      Sorry if it’s long but feeling like hes eon knowing he thinks of our children as a game and laughing because I’ve lost something. It drives me demented

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