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    • #40607
      Notsostrong
      Participant

      So I knew I had to get away from him but the thought of saying it scared me

      This past month I have been so happy that I worked out I was been abused but knew it would continue.

      So I suggested he should move back with his mum explaining be doesn’t help with kids he often puts me down calls me names and makes me feel like c**p.
      I
      He agreed said he will be out by (detail removed by Moderator) I explained him been here isn’t doing him any good he’s said a lot he’s here because he feels he has to be!!

      Is this right? I feel once he’s out I can detach more so then i can actually say it’s over which in struggling with now I will see him maybe once a week of that!!

      My plan is to not ring or text him chasing him like I would on his nights out when he didn’t let me know if he was coming home or not.

      Will this work?? I really don’t want to be with him any more but just not able to say that yet!!

    • #40608
      Savingmyself
      Participant

      Hiya
      Yes it’s a great idea one he is out you can then work on keeping him away
      I hope he will do as he says as abusers are not true to their word
      well done it’s the first step
      Big hugs xx

    • #40612
      Dragonfly
      Participant

      Hi

      First of all well done, keep going!!

      Change the locks once he’s gone. Mine had a habit of breaking in – with a key yes, but he wasn’t welcome and he would come in when I was out. It’s not even his property, it’s mine. Just be mindful. Be safe and keep in touch with people you can trust xx

    • #40613
      Savingmyself
      Participant

      Gosh Drangon fly
      they are really full of them self
      letting him self in who would do that ? but a bully and an abuser
      How did you stop him ?
      Big hugs xx

    • #40615
      Dragonfly
      Participant

      He was unreal. The first time I found out was when I came home I could sense someone had been in. My friend was staying with me that night, thank goodness for her. I remember that night very well. Nothing had been moved in my flat, I just knew, just a feeling. The really funny yet brilliant thing though was before my friend and I had left for the evening we were in my bedroom getting ready to go out. Putting on make up, trying on clothes etc. We had a glass of wine and left the glasses at either side of the bed on the bedside cabinets. He would have seen them and thought his worst fear had actually happened i.e. I had another man lol

      He admitted he broke in later on. I know for certain he broke in three times, goodness knows how many other times. I’ve actually no idea what on earth he was doing in my flat, (detail removed by Moderator).

      He’s gone now 😀

    • #40617
      KIP.
      Participant

      Hi there, I suggested a trial separation and agreed to keep seeing him when he moved out. He moved out and changed into the perfect man I met again. After several months of love bombing, date nights, presents, wooing etc he moved back in and within two weeks was abusing again. Getting him out might be easier than keeping him out. I’m just telling you this because I was too weak and frightened of the repercussions just to end the relationship and leave. That’s what I would do now I have the headspace to deal with it. Even if he moved out (and he hasn’t yet, what’s stopping him?), if it’s his home too, he can come and go as he pleases. Contact your local women’s aid. They can offer advice X

    • #40622
      Notsostrong
      Participant

      House is in my name etc be admitted he didn’t want to live here moved in because he felt he had to and that’s the only reason he has stayed!

      He said he’s mums offered him to go live back there but said no because he felt he had to stay.

      Now though he’s already spoke to 2 friends telling them he’s moving back home, he seemed upset at first but not so much now but still saying he will be gone by next weekend once his mum has his room cleared.

    • #40625
      KIP.
      Participant

      Don’t believe a word he says. He could be at his mums just now clearing his own room. I know I would be if someone didn’t want me around. Be careful because they are most dangerous when we try to end things. My ex made all the right noises told people our relationship was over but never left. Just hung around playing his twisted games. Being reasonable one minute, then anger, then blame, then begging etc. He eventually assaulted me and the police helped him out the door. At least your partner has no legal right to be in your home. If he kicks off then don’t be afraid to ring police.

    • #40637
      EeyoreNoMore
      Participant

      Well done for being so brave.

      Now is the time to be extra vigilant and careful. These abusers don’t usually go down without a fight. It may well be that your ex turns out like KIPs and will try and draw you back in, or it might be that if he genuinely believes you are over he could get real nasty and/or violent.

      I was the most scared of my ex while we were splitting (I did the same as you) and I’ve never seen him so Jekyl and Hyde before.

      Statistically this is the most dangerous time for you – please always listen to your gut and never to his words xx

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