This topic contains 6 replies, has 5 voices, and was last updated by  KIP. 1 week, 5 days ago.

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  • #84256
     Mimosa 
    Participant

    Months ago he was arrested. Then after a catalogue of errors and stress for me to deal with (detail removed by moderator). I cannot believe what has happened. I wish I had never opened this and stayed and died quietly in it. The system is flawed and out of touch. I am better off dead!This has been horrible. There is no better life. It’s a million times worse being out of it after over 2 decades. I just wish I’d never lifted the lid as the support deserts youvthe second they get an inkling of the statistic they want. You’re not a person, a family, you are just a way to bump up stats. Then you are on your own and it is worse than the worst with him. They didn’t even give him a better relationships course!! My life is over

  • #84262
     AlwaysSorry 
    Participant

    Hi there Mimosa,

    It sounds like you have received some awful news. I’m so sorry for the pain this is causing you. I spent a long time thinking I would have been better off staying in it, too. I’m starting to see the light now and the life there can be without any abuse, we just have to get through this rough patch. Your life is not over, I know it feels like it but it really isn’t. The system is very flawed, I’ve felt very let down by it too. As we have to keep it anonymous on here, I am not sure what has happened but there are ways to request reviews of decisions sometimes, other times maybe we have to go through the civil route. If many errors happened, then perhaps a complaint is in order so that someone in a senior position can look it over once more.
    You can always call the helpline on here for a chat, with them you don’t have to anonymise for your safety as you do on this public forum. If the thoughts become too much, please call Samaritans as well. Your life has value, you are worthy, you just need support through this very difficult time. Does your GP know what has been happening? They can help get you referred for counselling which could be helpful to you.
    I promise you your life is not over. Please keep posting on here and think about calling the helpline, I think it could be very good for you to hear an understanding voice at this moment in time x

  • #84265
     Eggshells 
    Participant

    I’m so sad to read this Mimosa. The system still has an awful long way to go. I haven’t even reported because I want to protect my children. BUT YOU MATTER! I am certain that your life is worth so much to so many people. Even if you don’t feel it.

    I was at the same point as you, in fact, I was counting out the paracetamol when I finally answered my sisters Skype. She had been ringing consistently for ages and I finally felt guilty that she would be worryingly about me.

    The golden words that saved me was not “how will your children cope?” because I’d convinced myself they’d be ok. It was “How will they feel when you’re not there on their wedding day; when their first child is born; and they know that they can’t share it with you; and that you took that away from them dilberately!” That had an impact.

    Get through today. Tomorrow will be better!

    I have a very supportive friend. It’s the second time she’s seen one of her friends through an abuse divorce.

    5 years on, her friend, who was suicidal is really very happy. Still recovering, still living without a man and doing very well. I took heart from this. It will get better, even if it takes some time.

    Phone Women’s Aid, phone the Samaraitans, put a what’s app out to your friends. Do what you need to do. Just get through today.

    Please check in with us tomorrow so we know you’re ok. Lots of people care. x*x

  • #84309
     Eggshells 
    Participant

    Hi Mimosa, just checking in with you to see how you’re getting on?

  • #99845
     Mimosa 
    Participant

    Thank you so much for your kindness Eggshells and AlwaysSorry. Not accessed my messages for a long time, sorry, just wasn’t able to deal with my thoughts back then. Last year I wished I hadn’t started this, this year I am so thankful I did it and amazed at what I have achieved.

    The Samaritans and the helpline were a lifeline to me when things were really difficult last summer. I was feeling so bad for him like I had been trained to do, my head was a mess because of the justice and the injustices that also occurred. But I came through it. I wasn’t able to talk about those things for ages, but I just got to another stage in my recovery and I can talk about it now and here I am. I heard on the news today that people are struggling and my heart goes out to them, I can only imagine what my children and I would be experiencing now with him here.

    You’re right, I really struggled when the outcome happened and it hurt so much and I was so damaged by several decades of living with him that I found healing a massive uphill journey, but gradually the pain has subsided and I am moving forward again and my children are thriving. Thank you all x

  • #99856
     HunkyDory 
    Participant

    Hi Mimosa what a lovely uplifting message to read. You sounded totally defeated in your posts last year and look at you now.

    Well done and keep safe and well xx

  • #99858
     KIP. 
    Participant

    We all have an inner strength we learned while being abused. We are the strongest women on the planet. Power to you ✊

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