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    • #141306
      groovyleopard
      Participant

      Hi all,

      Me and my partner have been getting on well the last few months. Suddenly this all changed, he bought up that a charger of his went missing (detail removed by Moderator) months ago? He was screaming and shouting and calling me nasty names. He said that he was going to take my laptop charger instead. He went into his room and hid it from me and kept screaming and shouting and refusing me entry into his room.

      He called me a cling-on and that all my family hates me…

      I cannot believe this is all over a charger? All weekend I have thought about everything he has called me. I still cannot believe he went this crazy over a charger that went missing (detail removed by Moderator) months ago.

      All I keep thinking about is that I want to be with someone who loves and cares about me. I don’t want to deal with this anymore.

      Finding it hard to pretend i’m ok at the moment.

    • #141309
      Anonymous
      Inactive

      My one went on about coat hangers that he was missing and a tooth brush , they are such petty entitled creatures , I think they use these arguments as a distraction from what is really going on , like an excuse to start , so they think of these things just to cause drama , something else p****d em off , but rather than say what the problem really is they find excuses to start an argument, probably something we are not doing for them or they are hiding something from you . I used to get this all the time , the smallest thing would turn into world war 3 . It’s all about them , never about you , very selfish , attention seeking , entitled beings .

    • #141310
      Anonymous
      Inactive

      I was called the most vilest of names and rage , bitterness, resentment all aimed at me , they can’t be nice for very long , true colours come through , it’s very hard to erase the names they call you , I don’t think there is anything I haven’t been called . I have said a few back , but not to the extent he has to me , that’s only defending myself though , they deliberately start the arguments. I couldn’t in the end get passed it all , made me go cold towards him , no respect in the end and I was beginning to hate myself for allowing his behaviour, I don’t understand why they don’t see that , how can they treat people they claim to love as they do and expect us to still want them ?

    • #141311
      Grey Rock
      Participant

      Oh Leopard. This is nothing to do with the charger. It’s all to do with the cycle of abuse. No matter how much we tiptoe on eggshells with an abuser, once the devaluing and nastiness part of the cycle comes around they’ll find something (real or imagined) to justify abusive behaviour. Sometimes ranting (mine used to get foamy spittle at the corners of his mouth as he ranted); stoney cold silences; those nasty wolf smiles; violence; destroying things; setting us up to fail by putting us in a situation where whatever we do it isn’t going to be the right thing; insulting comments; unfair / unfounded accusations about actions or things we’re supposedly thinking.

      The charger is just this episodes vehicle. In the end I got to the stage where I could sense the change coming a few days before it actually manifested. Like subtle rumblings of an earthquake that were only picked up subconsciously at first. I’d be wound up like a spring by the time it all blew up, and of course, tired from lack of sleep and full of anxiety, and I’d struggle to know what to do. I tended to freeze on the outside but inside my heart was pounding, my head was screaming, and I’d struggle to breathe. It was these episodes that left me wishing I could just die so I’d get away.

      Thankfully I didn’t need to die to get away in the end, although it was a tricky journey to navigate to freedom. I couldn’t have done it without support from Women’s Aid, and eventually the police and court system. But abusers don’t change. We might get breaks in their abusive behaviours when at different phases of the cycle which encourage us to stay and keep trying and hoping.

      Stay safe. Sending you prayers and love.

      GR x

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