2nd May 2020 at 12:51 pm #102293TobfreeParticipant
Im wondering if any other ladies are having their boyfriends with hold intimacy with them
Then all the blame guilt etc it put on us their girlfriend
When we have done nothing
Wrong yet boyfriend then uses excuses reg what was said
Which i basically told him off reg stuff said
And he didnt contact me for a while so with holding communication and affection and then even though we talking now he still blaming me n putting guilt trips on me
And is with holding intimacy using excuses to blame this on me and put me on guilt trips manipulate
and its confusing me as he saying he loves me and says affectionate things and is supportive in some things he agrees to me doing
Yet if i say or do anything he doesnt agree with he gets upsets him gets angry
He then will withold even more
Its like slow torture him with holding to me
I know its nothing ive done and he just wants control and wants to hurt me
yet it is very confusing as he can be kind and nice to me too
Is any other ladies going through this too
2nd May 2020 at 1:30 pm #102294Anonymous
You’re not alone – my partner does this all the time. One little “transgression” by me (in his eyes) and he won’t come near me, if I go to kiss him he looks through me/past me, if I ask for a cuddle he either ignores me or says he needs space. If I try and initiate sex he says he’s tired or says things like “it’s hardly the right time, is it?” – as if just to reiterate I’ve done wrong in his eyes.
The reverse is often true for me too though, which is upsetting. If he has been nasty, I can almost guarantee he will try it on with me when I get into bed and, like an idiot, I read that every time as him apologising for his bad behaviour or I reciprocate because I get so little affection I take what I can. He often then goes back to being moody straight after or the following morning.
It’s extremely confusing and, as you say, it’s all about their control.
Huge hug x x
5th May 2020 at 12:24 pm #102535LavenderroseParticipant
I had exactly this and it was awful. I felt so confused all the time. I’d not long had our baby so I felt like he didn’t find me attractive anymore so I’d pretty much beg for him to be with me and he’d always refuse which would be so upsetting and result in him getting angry.
There was always a reason tired or wrong time, I just couldn’t win. Then there would be times that we’d kiss and make up so I felt loved again. Vicious cycle!
I literally felt so unloved and like I couldn’t do anything right.
It’s taken a while to move on emotionally now and I’m so glad I have. I feel so much better!
I’m still not free as we have our child together which is an ongoing battle but for the moment he’s quiet and giving the silent treatment which I’d rather over being manipulated at every moment x
12th July 2020 at 5:54 am #109667TickleribberParticipant
Yes, absolutely this happens to me as well. It’s all part of the manipulation and control tactics they love so much.
I actually don’t ever get kisses from him at all now. I might get a hug if I ask, but it won’t have any feeling behind it and will last a Few seconds.
Recently he commented that if I wanted to “do anything” I should let him know.
That’s because he’s got a girlfriend with the physical type that he prefers (detail removed by Moderator).
Thanks but no thanks.
This has nothing to do with your attractiveness as a woman by the way.
Fortunately I know this because I visit several different (detail removed by Moderator) for my work, and even in my non flattering work top I get stared at and hit on a lot, especially by younger men, so it’s not me.
Must be confusing if your world is smaller though due to child care and isolation though, and you rely on him for approval.
I believe this type of man isn’t capable of giving real care, love and commitment, except possibly to their mothers, but they’re great at self love and sucking out what they need from others though, without giving anything back.
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