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    • #72438

      Hello there
      please help. at my wit’s end today.
      Young person in house for a very long time thinking that they can do whatever they want.
      No cleaning, no help, sweating etc.
      Can’t pretend I am a perfect person either.
      I objected to their spending hours and hours on phone and not doing chores and then forgot where I Had put it.

      In retaliation they are now saying they don’t want to live here anymore.
      It is so upsetting. I have tried to draw boundaries and that is what I get.

      They know how much it hurts.

      They are threatening to phone social care.
      That really hurts too. Don’t know how to feel or what to do.

      Can’t find their blessed phone.
      Tried to phone it obviously.
      Just tidying up in the absence of anything else. Tried sitting down and talking. No joy.

      thanks in advance
      ftc
      x

    • #72439
      Borntobefree
      Participant

      Hi
      Kids these days!! Chores need doing to help.. You need to try limit hrs spent on technology 2hrs day etc. I know my family have done this and it work’s OK they pulled faces but alls good… X

    • #72440
      Iwantmeback
      Participant

      Hi ftc, time to get tough. All kids play one parent against the other. My daughter was always going to phone childline when she didn’t get her own way. Your child had probably grown up witnessing your oh threatening this to you and got the same reaction your now giving your child. Can you imagine ss reaction if your child phoned them because of a missing phone. This is one of your triggers my friend, walk out, go for a walk around the block, anything to distance yourself from what’s happening just now. Them, get tough when you get back. Don’t let them start abusing you too.
      IWMB 💞

    • #72441
      diymum@1
      Participant

      Is it the February week where you are too? i had the same (detail removed by moderator) FTC – i told my daughter off due to her tone with me, it was very commanding and codescending. I took her remote and her xbox controller away and hid it for the rest of the day.I made it clear i dont tolerate being spoken to or treated like that and the behavior was wrong. She said similar this is child abuse im going to live with my grandad etc etc i said nothing, i blanked it, she calmed down and apologyised but i made sure i didnt give in to her. This is where you have to be really strong but i know shes making you face your worst fear. Loosing her and also being blackmailed. if you tell me off i will punish you. I was talking to one of the ladies on here about this very subject. Her wise advice was – all kids push the boundaries – it doesnt necessarily have anything to do with what they once witnessed. THis is our kids way of learning whats acceptable and what isnt. Keep going all teens can go through nightmare stages. She will calm down eventually and telling her exactly how this is making you feel. tell her YOu know shes a good kid and you know shes going to turn out great.I remember being told this by my granmother – your the best she made feel like i could do anything – i believed her and that nurturing builds our self esteem. it also teaches us that we can deal with situations better (teens i mean) this will settle when i was younger my dad was pretty strict and when i kicked off i was ignored all day until i apologised. She will thank you one day for being such a good mum, being a single mum is the hardest job in the world but the most rewarding in the end. i hope your ok stay strong. diy mum x*x

    • #72443

      thanks very much everyone, things calmed down now. Had a few moments there when I never thought it would. I really appreciate your responses ladies.

      Don’t laugh. Please. But (detail removed by moderator) I hid her phone so well – I have no idea where it is now. Tidying up, as this is what makes me feel better. I haven’t a clue where it is now, so no need to set boundaries on that one (detail removed by moderator), eh? JUst hope I dont ‘need to pay £75 quid for a new one, which we don’t currently have. My fault for hiding it so well….(?)
      thanks for your support.

    • #72444

      You are right about the blackmailing thing also.
      thanks ladies
      ftc
      x

    • #72447
      diymum@1
      Participant

      well it might not go wrong to day in the long run that its lost FTC 🙂 lol im the same as you we go into panic sometimes but thats only because we love our children so much xx

      Youve come so far – you and your daughter 🙂 like me i need to be consistent and keep setting those boundaries, i do find this hard because im a natural softie 🙂 but im going to apply everything weve learned from this forum. Set boundaries and keep going, encoursge good behaviour curb the bad in an instant if need be. And to communicate how we feel and reslove the issues. it doing the best for our kids in the long run. i think yesterday i used the grey rock teqnique on my daughter without realising and it worked. wE know what we need to do 🙂 im glad everything id good again xx

    • #72455

      thank you so much diy mum and all ladies on here. You are so right. things were really tough (detail removed by moderator). really tough. and phone can stay lost for a bit. I honestly have no idea where I put it, so maybe that was my subconscious taking over…yes grey rock..i have just sent her out to post a letter for me. It’s sunny. I have carried on tidying up. That is my coping mechanism…
      thanks again
      ftc
      x

    • #72457
      diymum@1
      Participant

      any time 🙂 keeping busy is good – a tidy house = a tidy mind 🙂

      It is a beautiful day here too, may as well make the most of it 🙂 grey rock works for me certainly and its less stressful and takes up less energy than a screaming match lol take care love diy xx

    • #72458
      Iwantmeback
      Participant

      Hi ftc, I have never laughed so heartily in a long time, thank you🤣 my hidey places are exactly that, I forget where I put stuff. 🤣🤣 don’t be afraid to be strong. My grown-up kids told me a few years ago, that they knew where they stood in our house as there were boundaries and consequences if you crossed them. They wished they’d stayed, as their own dad didn’t parent them to the best of his ability. They loathe him now as much as I did and the best thing is they realise why I couldn’t live with him. Every cloud. (Yet I never saw him as abusive, but I do my oh now) maybe it was because I stood up to him and refused to be manipulated by him and that my OH was in the background, so I felt I had a safety net when I did leave! A wee eureka moment there I think🤔
      IWMB 💕💕

    • #72462

      thanks iwantmeback and everyone on here.
      All quiet here. Phone not found, but am letting it go.
      We will mangage somehow.
      all best
      ftc
      x

    • #72500
      Flowerchild
      Participant

      FtC, is the young person smart enough and self-controlled enough and manipulative enough to have found and concealed the phone after you confiscated it?

      If not, don’t worry. It will turn up while you are looking for the next misplaced item!

      Flower x

    • #72501
      maddog
      Participant

      Hiding stuff in plain sight is something I do with bells on! Recently I cleared out my daughter’s room as if for someone else to move in, I was so upset and furious with her. When she came home I told her that I’d done it and I’d told her it would happen. I think she was relieved. I expected her to be angry. I told her that I would help her put things away. It is horrible to take such measures.

    • #72508

      thanks for the tip flowerchild, no, it is well and truly lost and she doesn’t even seem to mind at this point.

      maddog. know that feeling. Yes, it is awful.

      I’m just podding on with my coffee here and the usual list of things to do.

      I do feel very, very stupid though. On the other hand it was probably my trauma kicking in
      and brain refusing to process information – as to whereabouts of said object
      Weird isn’t it?

      thanks for all the support and further comments welcome.
      ftc
      x

    • #72512
      diymum@1
      Participant

      if its any consolation when i get anxiety i misplace everthing i get very forgetful, i guess its when the adrenalin kicks in maybe our memory part of the brain switches off who knows xx luv diy

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