3rd December 2021 at 9:28 pm #135116EyesopeningParticipant
I had a strange week, i never cried so much in a long time, i had a chiropractic adjustment and things just seemed to go from there, i was in pain but i felt a release also, like i was loose, looser then i had felt in years, like my body was extremely tight before- like i was trying to protect myself when in the relationship) and now its been loosened. Its like i am letting go(i hope)
I have been missing him since the treatment though. Also dreaming of him, i was dreaming yesterday i had gone back and was trying to figure out how to leave again and i woke up completely like from a nightmare.
I read things on here and think he really wasn’t as bad as others experiences.
He used to compliment me and say nice things, like he was proud of me, that i was beautiful etc. I think about how much improvement i have made in myself and i thought it was my own work and from my job but what if it was from him also? I told him some great feedback from my manager once and all he said was ‘i would like some acknowledgment’ i asked why, he said because he told me to quite my previous job(he didn’t – actually he pressured me to stay in that job were i was being badly bullied)
Sometimes he also said things like ‘that’s your fault’ or say that ‘will be you in 20 years’ pointing to a very elderly not attractive looking women..
some words of advice would be appreciated
Lots of love to you all out there
4th December 2021 at 11:23 am #135122KIP.Participant
The safer I felt the more memories came flooding back. Your brain is feeling safe enough now to try to figure out what the hell actually happened. Yes I got compliments, all part of the cycle of abuse. They love to build us up, simply to pull the rug from under us. And watch us fall again. What you miss is perhaps being in a good safe relationship and the feelings that go with that, but that part is just an act from an abuser. Let the memories flow over you, but hang onto that rock of truth. He’s an abuser, always will be. Good riddance to bad rubbish x
4th December 2021 at 11:43 am #135123nbumblebeeParticipant
Hey beautiful lady.
Ive wrote enough times on here about (detail removed by Moderator) my hubby is and how he loves nothing more than put downs he looks at old pictures of me and tells me how beautiful I was I WAS and i dont remember him ever saying that at the timeto me. The only time he ever tell me im sexy which i dont like as a compliment but the only time is when im wearing what he wants me to wear.
What I am trying to say is that yes maybe your other half complimented you but im sure if wouldve been for his own gain not yours you may have just left that bit out of your memory?
So what if we wasnt as bad as others on here, were you happy? Were you scared anxious walking on eggshells,waiting for the next blow up?
Yes you were so you have every right to leave him and now to even miss him i guess.
Maybe you miss the love of another the company that feeling of love we all wants especially those who have been abused we crave love affection assurance thats just us and theres nothing wrong in that but just make sure you look for it in the right places and not go back.
Our eyes are on the front of our faces so we can look foward not back right?
As for your body my goodness is it any wonder?
You have been through so much and have been so strong on guard for so long in protection mode its no wonder now you feel safe that you let go and feel wobbly its like your body is saying we are safe now i can let go a little look at it as a positive you are free and yes i can imagine how hard it is at times you are free and thats gonna take some getting used too.
Give yourself time and love now allow yourself to let go a little You are amazing and keep telling yourself that.
Big hugs xxxx
6th December 2021 at 5:12 pm #135249EyesopeningParticipant
Thank you nbumblebee Kip, you held me up during some bad days.
It’s funny how our minds play tricks on us. Even after being gone for some time.
It’s so confusing and wow we are up against so much.
But thankgod for you lovely ladies here to remind us of our truth.
6th December 2021 at 7:25 pm #135252nbumblebeeParticipant
Hope you are feeling better today sweetie xxxx
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