Viewing 4 reply threads
  • Author
    • #94972

      Hi, so a week ago I woke up and had finally let go of the anger. I previously posted that I was struggling to let go of the anger and felt It was the last bit. Anyway literally woke up and I have thankfully reached indifference. I honestly thought this day would never come,I would ever be happy or feel like a whole person again. I just don’t care anymore, about him or what he did. I’m not angry at myself anymore for accepting what is frankly completely abnormal behaviour. He no longer exists in my world, I never check his social media now and nobody speaks about him to me. I don’t see him and have never heard from him.. it’s true only time will help but it will help. I have spoke about it to death to my family and friends so feel I have processed it and my mind has led it go. He doesn’t come in to my thoughts daily anymore and any slight thought passes by. I’m excited for the future and happy with myself. However, it’s not been a full year and it makes me wonder if I have got over so quick did I over exaggerate it to myself? Yeah he shouted at me a lot, and publicly,called me names and criticised me, withheld sex and affection and gaslighted me but now in my head it’s like a vague memory that doesn’t seem so bad. I’m glad I don’t hurt when I think about it anymore and don’t want that to come back but it just makes me wonder…..

    • #94975

      You can come to a place where the memories of abuse simply dont have the same impact. It doesn’t mean that the abuse didn’t happen or that it wasn’t earth shatteringly destroying for you. It’s part of the healing process but never doubt the dangerous destructive effect it had. It’s often how these men get a hook back in even years later. I read a story on here of a woman who went through hell with her husband, assaults, police Courts conviction restraining order for several years. Then just when she felt safe she gets a text from him ‘hi, how are you, do you still have the salad spinner?’. They don’t ever move on and they remain the same entitled dysfunctional conniving abusers they always were. So it’s really important to move on from the abuse and trauma but not to forget or minimise it x well done you. I remember that huge relief of waking up and not caring about him. It took me a couple of years to get to that stage where I just couldn’t care less what he was upto or who he was with. It was a real brainwash for decades and hard to rewire my brain but it happened. Good riddance to bad rubbish x

    • #94976

      Sounds like a real turning point. I was angry for a long time, and then I wasn’t. Recovery is definitely a bit of a rollercoaster ride, and there are likely to be a few unexpected bumps lying in wait. But for me, I think once stopped being angry then I was mostly just reacting to triggers that reminded me of the abuse, rather than full on processing all the time. Hopefully this will hold true for you too. Enjoy the peace for now. But don’t worry if you get triggered and you feel like it has set you back. It will only be temporary, and unlike getting through the sad, questioning and angry phases, dealing with triggers don’t dominate your life in the same way.

    • #95016
      lover of no contact

      Well done to have got to the place of indifference. It takes a long time to get there for most but the way you describe it could help us get there sooner. I’m in that place too but took me a long time. It’s a great place to get to and it’s the greatest abuser injury you could bestow on the abuser is indifference. They hate it that we won’t even give them a second thought now. They are not worth thinking about. Thankyou for sharing where you’re’ve said it so well.

      Onwards and upwards. The best revenge is living well and thriving not just surviving.

    • #95026

      Well done, that must feel great, enjoy the peace 💕

Viewing 4 reply threads
  • You must be logged in to reply to this topic.

© 2015 Women's Aid Federation of England – Women’s Aid is a company limited by guarantee registered in England No: 3171880.

Women’s Aid is a registered charity in England No. 1054154

Terms & conditionsPrivacy & cookie policySite mapProtect yourself onlineMedia │ Jobs


Log in with your credentials


Forgot your details?

Create Account