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Hi, I spent (detail removed by moderator) in abusive relationships (2 consecutive ones) and have recently found a way to process some of the trauma through art.
I made a piece using phrases that were said to me, eg it’s all your fault, you made me do it etc etc, but I want to go further and collect the phrases other women were told, so that I can make a bigger piece which represents many women’s experiences, collectively, not just my own.
I also want to do a follow up piece with words of support that we hear in recovery and tell ourselves, like it will be ok, you will get through this, survivor etc
I would be really grateful if anyone would like to contribute phrases that were said to them or names they were called by their abuser and then words of healing from their support network, whether that’s an IDVA, family and friends, or things we tell ourselves.
Obviously all totally anonymous and nothing that would identify anyone.
I hope it’s ok to ask this. I want to use art to get the message out there.
Thank you.
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Hi Kittycatfish my abuser has told me that ‘I never do anything right, everything you touch goes wrong’
Others have reassured me that I’m human and we all make mistakes like having one or 2 lumps in your gravy etc. Hope this can be useful xx
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OH kittycatfish, your art project sounds amazing.
Phrase mine often used to say……”You’ll never be capable of having a normal relationship”
“All women are psycho’s”
“You’re selfish, self centered and immoral.”
“Your body will get used to it.” (that’s when he did something that hurt me during sex)
“Everybody has to do stuff that they don’t want to.”
“You’re a useless wife/mother.”The nice stuff…….
“You didn’t deserve it.”
“You are such a calm, gentle person.”
“Your friendship means so much to me. You always know what to say.”
“You’re an amazing mum and such a strong woman.” -
Hi Kittycatfish, I love the sound of your project so will try and help you with some phrases from my oh
“If it wasn’t for me you’d never have succeeded at that.”
“It’s all about you isn’t it?”
“ Why can’t you just do as you’re told?”
“ I told you so.”
“I’m going to destroy you.”
“ Where’s your sense of humour?”
“ You’re confusing pain with passion.”Good stuff from others
“You’re stronger than you think.”
“You’re such a lovely person, you don’t deserve this.” -
Hi Turtledove, Escapee and Scapegoat
Thank you for sharing these with me. It’s so personal, and yet the same messages and in some cases the same words are behind it all.
I really want to help to get it out there and in the open. I know I didn’t recognise that what I was going through was abuse until I saw it somewhere else (agony aunt on breakfast TV) and people around me had no idea what I was going through, it’s so hidden and internalised. My hope is that someone on the receiving end of abuse might see it and realise that what they’re going through is not ok and it’s not their fault. My design is a woman’s head in silhouette, with the words spiralling out, to show how those things can stay with you and play themselves round and round in your mind.
Thank you so much.
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This sounds amazing Kittycatfish. What a great way to get the message out there for other women who are suffering or have suffered. Xx
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Hi Kittycatfish
This is a really good idea so thank you for posting this. It’s such a powerful message that you are trying to get across. I can see that you have already had replies which is great.
I jut wanted to remind everyone not to post anything too specific or identifying. It’s so important that everyone stays safe on the forum.
Take care and good luck with this.
Lisa
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“You’ll be out of this house!!!” (x literally a thousand times over several months).
“All you ever cook is s**t”
“You’re bullying me”
“You’re destroying the 5 of us!!”
“You’re beautiful on the outside but black on the inside”
“You’re toxic to the core”
“You don’t care about the children”(said in front of the children).
“You hypocrite, down on your knees praying…”
“This is all your fault. I wanted the marriage to work!”
“Go get a job! You’ve contributed nothing to this household”
The above were all shouted at me in front of my children. This is only the tip of the iceberg.
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