Words and Phrases that enlighten

[KIP.]

Throughout my journey I’ve come across many lightbulb moments and thought it would be interesting to start a list of words and phrases that stuck with me. Please add your own as I found this really helpful. The terms can be googled.

Trauma bonding (me)
Plausible deniability (him)
Cognitive dissonance (me)
N********t (him)

[Anonymous]

Hi, I’m new to this site, but not new to abuse. (detail removed by moderator) years of it and trying to get out now. I am at the start of trying to educate myself about why I am still in this situation, what it has done to me and how the dynamic actually works. I’d never heard of trauma bonding until now. But it does make perfect sense. Any sort of emotional intensity binds people together. Police and ambulance workers are often counselled about it. But when you are young and trusting and don’t know anything about relationships, it’s a glue an abuser can and does use.

Plausible deniability. Oh yes, very familiar with this. Gaslighting and denial, flipping it back on me as if I’m the one who’s inconsistent or lying or mad. Mostly mad. That’s a good one, that’s one men use alot!

Cognitive dissonance. Yep. Why do I feel so lonely when I’m with him? Why does the man who says he loves me say such awful things to me. And why do I put up with it?

I’m not sure what the last one is, but I’d guess I’m familiar with it too!

[KIP.]

Hey towel, read Living with the Dominator by Pat Craven. And Why Does he do that? By Lundy Bancroft. Two good ones to get you started. Also, women’s aid actually offer courses. The freedom programme. Fab. The last one on the list I will personal message you lol.

[Author]

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