Work and heal together? Am I going crazy?

[Bluebirds]

I’ve left my abusive partner but only for (detail removed by Moderator) so it is very early days. I’m really angry experiencing a whirlwind of memories and thinking why the hell have I put up with all this?? I’m very sad but also angry.

He is telling me he will change, go to therapy, do abusive courses etc… wanting to go on a couples retreat. he’s saying we need to work together and heal together. That comment really makes me mad and very uncomfortable. Is that telling me something?  Is that even possible? (detail removed by Moderator) years later… I doubt any change will take place. This is the worst its gotten with me actually telling him I don’t want to be with him anymore. I’ve lost myself. Who is me? 🙁

 

[Sad and alone]

I often get told that if we both work together we can make things work. But then it usually boils down to me needing to change and nothing needed on his side. I think it’s so much harder when you’ve been together a long time as so much more history tying you together and throwing doubts in your mind.

[Bluebirds]

I know so long over a decade. He is all I know all my adult life. Don’t know how I’m going to get through this 🙁

But honestly working together right now turns my stomach. I feel how dare he…

[Bananaboat]

Actions not words. Don’t believe he’ll change until you see evidence of him getting help and even then it needs to be consistent and longterm not just one or two sessions after which he decides the counsellor is useless or something. He’s saying you both need to go because they are unable to accept they are the issue! If you go together he’ll most likely try to push all the issues onto you so you’d need someone experienced in abuse to shut that down. He’s basically trying every trick right now to keep you sweet, watch him turn nasty when he realises you’re standing firm. x

[Bluebirds]

Hi bananaboat! Thankyou for your comment. Just replying to this now as you were exactly right.  His tactics did change once he realised I’m firm in my decision. I’ve had all the nastiness. Then the nice messages he misses me etc my pretty eyes and touch (yuk) and now I’m getting the victim (detail removed by Moderator). He feels low Etc I don’t care anymore he’s I’m a bad place etc etc.. I’m sure all you ladies have heard the same! Staying strong as hard as it is! Fuming I’m even here!

[Bluebirds]

100% agree with you. I’ve never taken it this far, I feel this is the end. He’s been nice then nasty then nice again, so far still remained firm in my decision. He’s demanding we sort our house out now asap.

[Author]

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