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    • #71258
      Anonymous
      Inactive

      Am I the only woman in the world who has just left an abusive relationship and works full time??!!

      All the help and support people keep telling me is out there seems to be available 9 to 5.

      Got a place on the Freedom Program but it’s 10 til 12 on a Wednesday 3/4 Of an hour from the office for 12 weeks. A no go. Got offered another one even further away, also during the day. The police’s dv charity has allocated me a support worker who works two days a week 9 till 5.

      Starting to regret splitting up. I just feel totally abandoned. This forum is all I have. My friends and family are great, but unless you’ve been through this, you have no idea.

    • #71260
      Iwantmeback
      Participant

      I was just thinking about this very issue just recently. Especially when everything kicks off at night, or at weekends, it’s all to do with cutbacks, councils who decide who gets what. Abuse,it’s affects, definately does not feature high on their agenda. It’s wrong and it’s sad because many councillors (political)do care. I’m so angry that we are just seen as political pawns, only important when elections are coming up for some of them. 😡😡

    • #71305
      Escapedbuthaunted
      Participant

      Hi you are not alone I work full time and did while with my x. i successfully managed to hide what I was going thru and even when I got the courage to break up the relationship have managed to hide until recently the full extent of the abuse I experienced. I’m now after further battles getting the counselling I need for ptsd which was impacting on my ability to cope with work and life in general. I think key thing with work is to try and tell at least your manager what u are going thru not necessarily the details so they can try and give u the support u need even if that’s just authorising time off for counselling, I’ve got some great friends at work who I’ve now confided a bit in who help cover me when I’m having particularly bad days.
      You’ve not made a mistake in getting out, stay strong things will get better

    • #71309
      White Rose
      Participant

      Hi Mandy
      Yes I found exactly the same problem. Frustrating!
      There is an on line freedom programme in some areas but to be honest I didn’t want to sit at a computer after work or weekends I needed physical presence of others.
      It’s also hard making calls to local services and solicitors if you can’t take calls in work and your lunch time is not private.
      Thank goodness for this site it’s given me more support than I could get due to working.
      Mind you it’s the same with other things too – self help groups, fitness groups many are geared to part time or non working people and happen 10-12 or 2-4…or you just have to opt for crowded overpriced oversubscribed evening and weekend sessions.
      Moan over!

    • #71310
      White Rose
      Participant

      Sorry auto corrected you to Mandy not Landy!

    • #71332
      EbonyRaven
      Participant

      You’re totally not alone, I have the same issue. I work shifts full time. I’m extremely lucky that my employers are very understanding and my manager, their manager, and the next one up too, are supportive, empathetic and are giving me time to attend to certain meetings.

      They’ve been great about relaxing targets and the like for me too, and giving me different duties if I’m getting very stressed.

      They are not ‘friends’ though, and the forum here is basically the only place I can talk properly about how I feel, ask questions and know that I’m not alone.

      I really would advise that you talk to a superior at work and explain the situation.

    • #71338
      Anonymous
      Inactive

      My boss is aware and supportive but the Freedom Program would mean three and a half hours off one day every week for 12 weeks and I don’t want to take advantage. I’ve been informed the people who run this locally would do an after work session if enough people were interested but I was told I’d have to wait until April for an existing group space so presume a new slot would take even longer and I need thelp help now. Plus the charity involved keep calling me at work when I keep asking theme not to! I can’t talk at work anyway so it’s a waste of time. Very frustrating!

    • #71342
      Falling Skys
      Participant

      Hi

      I also work full time and though my employer was understanding about the meetings i found that when I returned to work I was unable to function because of the emotions it stirred up.

      Though not ideal I attended when I was on leave.

      This site was a great support.

      You have done the right thing on getting pit.

      FS

    • #71349
      Tiffany
      Participant

      For what it is worth, my current partner (not the abuser) took similar amounts of time off work to attend a course his doctor suggested he attend. It isn’t unreasonable. I suspect that you have a pretty strong work ethic if you were able to keep working through the abuse. Your employer values you for what you bring to the workplace. If that means time off to go to a course that’s ok.

      Honestly it’s what all employers should be like – we work better when we have the support we need and are treated well. My job when I was with my abuser was 9-5 with fixed holidays. I basically had to beg on bended knee to my manager to get a single day off work to get my stuff out of my house at a time when my abuser was absent. I ended up having to leave at very short notice a couple of months later because I hadn’t had time to deal with the stress and I just couldn’t cope.

      It ended well. I moved away and got a job with a lot more flexibility and an understanding boss. I work shifts which I can arrange around the support I need (which isn’t a lot these days). Your current employer understands what my new one does. A happy well supported employee is better than a sad stressed one. If that costs 3 hours a week for 12 weeks, that’s an awful lot better than the cost of losing a good employee and training someone new to do the job!

    • #71354
      EbonyRaven
      Participant

      I agree with Tiffany, it isn’t taking advantage. Your employer will understand that it’s to their benefit long term because as you heal more, and become stronger, that’s obviously going to mean your productivity will be better.

      Apart from that, they probably also want you to get what you need as caring ‘normal’ compassionate people. I think we forget that exists to some degree.

      I too found it extremely difficult to ask for time off to attend anything to do with my mental health, or with dealing with this whole thing. I’m the type of person who will ensure dentist, doctors appointments are always on days off even though we can get time to attend as a benefit. I totally understand your reluctance to take that time.

      If your employer is willing to allow you the time, please do it, you’re doing them a favour too, as they will get a happier employee over time.

    • #71392
      Starandlittlestar
      Participant

      You are not alone Landy.
      Working full time as well as dealing with these ridiculous manipulative men/people is exhausting, frustrating, hardest thing ever, and very under-acknowledged. Fitting in any appts to do with mental health/legal arrangements/getting out can be so tough but as the ladies on here have said it is to the benefit of your employers. If you can get the help you need at these courses you are much more likely to be more engaged at work, and need less time off sick or off to deal with unexpected issues.
      I do hope you can speak to your boss and sort out some arrangements. They may be surprisingly supportive.

      I work almost full time, support myself and my kids single-handedly, deal with rubbish from my ex on a very frequent basis, often don’t sleep, somehow manage to keep the house running and clothes clean etc. I think we all do this and much more. We deserve to feel proud of ourselves for it. I have been surprised by how supportive my work have been – even when I am not firing on all cylinders because of some bad days/nights.
      Just be honest with work, don’t beat yourself up because you are doing a fab job at holding it all together. And know that in time you will be glad you left and everything will settle down. We have to go thru these tough times before we can get to a settled phase.

      A friend gave me a quote the other day and it helps me. Might help you:
      ‘The most difficult roads often lead to the most beautiful places.’
      Hang in there.

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