Worried about Child

[Ssss]

Child is teen just. Wants to stay in room 24/7. On computer… comes for food, gone before you kno …. no participation in family life… anything in house etc…. I kno it’s a teenage thing… but this is more…. if I say enough 8 hours is enough on computer…. he shouts and screams at me… or if I say come and watch tv… etc he causes a nuisance until I say just go… I asked him to do something simple clear your bed… he’d been away and had put all his presents on bed I just said clear it doesn’t have to be tidy he got duve and pulled all on floor there it’s clear..then started shouting and screaming at me…. other ones in bed…. sneaked down stairs after I went to bed and went to bed at 0400 waking everyone up…tried to get him up today so won’t be up all night.. shouts at me so I’ll go away…husband egnored it all…he seems to be taking over..getting scared to go near him but don’t want him to rot in his room

[Lisa]

Hi Ssss

You have every reason to be worried, his lifestyle is unhealthy and sounds like he is becoming more aggressive towards you. Teenagers can find computers very addictive, this situation is very extreme due to hours he is spending on it, and his behaviour.

It may be worth speaking to a GP about your concerns.

Best Wishes

Lisa

[Serenity]

Hi Ssss,

My younger son is a bit like this- in his room for too long- at the moment.

I sometimes worry that it is because of his situation. He doesn’t like going to his dad’s, and he lives being st home, and I have wondered if it is a security thing- that he feels safe in his little den.

But then I see how his friends are on the computer too, not just him!

It is a teenager thing. My eldest was like that, and my youngest used to say how unhealthy it was for his brother to spend so much time on his console! Yet now he is trying to do it!

I reminded him of that the other week!

The good news is, my eldest has grown out of it. He recently sold his console, because he says he wanted to be ‘out there’ living- with his friends, working, going to the gym.

Of course, my oldest doesn’t really have contact with his dad, and his confidence has grown.

I think it’s important to give our youngesters space, but we need to encourage a healthy lifestyle too.

I allow my youngest to go on the computer, but I tell him that at weekends he needs to go and do something active with his friends also.

As for your child’s aggression, I don’t know if this signifies an underlying issue of whether he is crabby because he’s been on technology for too long.

I hope you can find a way of reaching some agreement with him.

[Ssss]

Hi Lisa and serenity thanks for reply. I have spoken at lengths with my son and even confiscated his laptop for a while… he still is on it and in his room at lot.. but I think it was part his age, and part wanting to detatch from reality and the situation we are in… but whole thing has defiantly improved now.

[puzzledatlife]

I would say don’t put this up to age. Age may hide other things. I don’t know what to advise, but one thing that comes to mind is, how has this started? It won’t be a sudden thing, try to go back with you memory: when did you notice signs of withdrawal or change of mood? Was it sudden or it was a gradual process? In any case, when did you first notice changes? If I were in your place perhaps I would try to figure out if there are days that are worse? Or things that make it worse? I noticed my boy’s mood changed greatly with some types of videogames and I took him to the GP so that he could explain to him the dangers of online games. If you can put your finger on what triggered this change then perhaps you can deal with it better. My son went through two big crises. The first he was scared of everything, even going to the toilet and would wet his bed! Thinking about when it started made me realise it was around the same month in which my nephew was born. As my son is very attached to my brother, I figured out with him that he was scared of “losing a place in uncle’s heart” (his words). That helped to put this right. The second was with online games. I showed him the addiction to internet and what it can do and took him to the GP. If you can figure out when this started and what is most likely to trigger it you can make a huge difference.

[Author]

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