Worried about safety

[SongThrush]

Hi everyone,

I’m new here. Got married, (detail removed by Moderator) months later he fell ill, I became his carer, and life as I knew it, ended. Gave up my job to care for him and home educate my children, adults now. It would be years before I caught up with the plot. I was too busy “looking after” and “caring for” to notice I was slipping rapidly down the slope. Isolation, stalking, couldn’t wear what I liked, clothes for make-up and certainly could not go to places on my own. Visitors were never left alone with me, even though they were all women. I was followed to the bin and watched as I took a bath or shower. He stood outside the bathroom door and knock if I was in there for longer than (detail removed by Moderator) minutes, and insisted on attending every appointment I had. The subtle mind games, put-downs dressed as compliments, coercive control, verbal bashings and threats harm self if I did not “comply”. I started waking up with unexplainable bruises, he was hurting me as I slept. I discovered he was adding (detail removed by Moderator) in drinks he’d prepare for me. I’m allergic to both. I was always ill and in and out of hospital. He fled the country and I was fine with that until I was told “he can come back, get an order from the court to let him back in the house, because it’s his registered address.” He left (detail removed by Moderator) ago. I’m trying to keep myself together but it’s not as easy as I thought it would be. It’s impacted my diet, weight, and sleep. I find myself feeling really fearful that he’ll return. Want to change my name but told I “can’t do that without informing him.” He’s “not willing to grant” me a divorce. (detail removed by Moderator). The good thing in that revelation, I guess, is that it’s not all in my head. I’m not “mad, ignorant, uncivilised.” Thanks for the space to offload.

[Lisa]

Hi SongThrush,

Thank you for sharing with us and welcome to the forum. I hope you find the forum a safe and supportive place to be with others who understand about what you have been through and how you are feeling. I am pleased you found us as a place to offload.

I also want to share with you about Bloom which might be helpful. Bloom offers free online courses created by/in partnership with therapists specialising in trauma. These courses can be accessed in your own time and at your own pace and cover topics such as trauma, abuse and boundaries. Bloom can be found here.

Do keep posting when you can, there is support here for you.

Best wishes,

Lisa

[Author]

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