- This topic has 7 replies, 3 voices, and was last updated 6 years, 8 months ago by
freedomtochoose.
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16th June 2018 at 6:42 pm #59885
iwillbeok
ParticipantJust something that has occured to me. I very rarely drank when with my ex. He drank to excess, never rolling drunk and never physically abusive, but it was a lot!
Now, 5/7 evenings I’ll have a glass of wine or a G&T, very occassionally 2. I look forward to it. While I’m cooking or eating my dinner.
I’ve been very down today, weepy and even had a sleep in the middle of the day (which I never do). I’ve poured myself a drink – and sigh… I feel a little better. Nah, that’s c**p – I don’t. I want it to make me feel better but I’ve just burst into tears again. My heart is actually sore.
Will this ever end?
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16th June 2018 at 6:47 pm #59886
freedomtochoose
Blockedhello love,
to be straight about it – you are very far from dependency if you are accurate about your intake. ok it is not the best thing to be doing but a ‘glass of wine very occasionally two’ a day does not constitute dependency.Sorry you are not feeling brilliant. Things change though and there are off days.
Try not to panic
all best
ftc
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16th June 2018 at 7:54 pm #59892
iwillbeok
ParticipantThanks ftc,
Just feeling very sorry for myself..
I’m struggling to keep positive; feel like I’m just ‘going through the motions’ of day to day survival. I am worried for the future – everything is moving so slowly with the divorce. I’m so on edge waiting for the next step. What is he doing? What is he planning? I keep checking my email – an outburst from him I could feel, rage against (not to him), but this silence is torturous…
Iwillbeok x
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16th June 2018 at 7:57 pm #59893
freedomtochoose
BlockedI get it iwillbeok. I am in a different phase to you. years on. Still comes and goes with the aftermath of the abuse, but I remember that time when I was in the court hearings.
I’m sure others will join me when I say self care is the way forward. This is easier said than done, but try to do things that interest you and look after yourself.
Star Wars Solo? take yourself to the pictures, anything that works, clean cupboards out? anything that is going to help you feel by the end of it you will have achieved something.
all best
ftc
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16th June 2018 at 8:04 pm #59894
freedomtochoose
BlockedAnd I am glad to be on here, posting to you, hopefully of some limited help.
I wish that I had known about this forum when I had the hearings.
Still, times and places eh
all best
ftc
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16th June 2018 at 8:08 pm #59896
maddog
ParticipantThe problem with alcohol is that it works. Sometimes we have to just do whatever it takes and remember to forgive ourselves. Sometimes I just want it all to go away. I know I have people who love me and would want me to be kind to myself. It doesn’t happen like that.
You are not alone in this godawful place. The time will pass eventually. I have friends who have been through terrible times. Older than I am, but still there, doing good and exciting things.
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16th June 2018 at 8:32 pm #59897
iwillbeok
ParticipantThank you for your kind comments – I’m in tears again. I’m so appreciative of this place amd all you strong women.
I know the self care is what I need – I just can’t seem to make myself. I haven’t exercised inages, am eating all the wrong stuff and am now the heaviest I have ever been. I mean to do a face mask or something and just sit there doing nothing… then I get cross with myself for getting nothing done. Then I tell myself to be gentle with myself and maybe thats what I need right now just to sit. Difficulty telling the difference between taking time out and just self delusion?
Sorry, I just feel so lost and heart sore and the conversations and the control going around and around my head…
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16th June 2018 at 8:43 pm #59901
freedomtochoose
BlockedAnything that works at this point lovely.
It can feel clumsy and feel as if you are stumbling through.
But you are putting one foot in front of the other.
Celebrate small achievements like washing your face. Having cereal with milk and wheetabix.
Havng clean sheets. Ruby Wax on you tube is pretty good. She has been in deep depression but still manages to raise a laugh… eh
Really lovely, all those things are big achievements right now
all best
ftc
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